Decorating

We've been living here in our 'new' house since June 2003 and we're still working on the decorating. We had a painting party once and we got through painting the living room and some of the kitchen. Now I want to change the colors. Right now some walls are half yellowish cream and others are sort of a light brick red. My husband is leaning towards a tan or brownish color. It doesn't matter to me anymore I just want it changed. We have some oversized couches that are a dark red and there's a rug under the coffee table (we don't drink coffee) that has gold, dark red, dark green, and brown in it. The tiles are stone-like and have faded pink / grey / blue colors in it. A girlfriend of mine does interior design as a hobby and her place looks great, but we can't afford to hire her just yet. Another girlfriend of mine (read: purfiktgurl) should be helping but she lives too far. This is our brokest christmas season ever so whatever I do to spice up the place has to be cheap (okay, inexspensive). At the home show a couple months ago I bought six little bamboo shoot trees and put them in the kitchen above the cabinets. In between them I put one piece of something (a decorative kettle, a wire candle-holder in the form of a girl holding two candles, and some others things I can't remember). I have two pictures that a friend of mine in Jamaica bought for me that I want to put so I bought some picture hanging nails. But, I can't put up the pictures til we decide what we want to do with the walls in the kitchen. We've been looking for a wallpaper border to put around the top but haven't seen any we like. We may have to settle for painting all the way to the ceiling but who's willing to go up there?

I feel restless like I'm not getting anything done. Our businesses feel like they're extremely slow to start, I'm moving like a snail at work, and I'm dissatisfied with my home surroundings.

We keep dumping money into our businesses and we haven't seen dime one of a return yet - the properties in Jacksonville are still sucking us dry even though one of them has tenants, we bought two cars from an auction neither of which are completely fixed and can't be sold anyway until my husband gets his car dealership license, our online stores are not online yet (nowhere near it).

Hardly anyone is at work so it's pretty quiet. I have work to do but no unction to get it done. I know next week the burners will be on high because we have a deadline to meet and that should be motivation enough...but it's not.

I already complained about my house. Everytime I clean one area and move on to the next, the first one is messed up again. How aggravating.

I know it sounds like I'm dumping, but I'm not really because there's so much more good in my life than not.

...continued

When I first saw the report of the tsunami, the death toll was 7000. Now it is 52000 and still expected to rise. I can almost feel the pain of the parents who lost children. I hear and read the stories and I don't know how to deal with it. Had I been through that experience I would be crazy by now. How difficult it must be for them cannot even be expressed in words. The pictures tell it all. My prayers go out to the survivors.

This was a bad year

"An earthquake of epic power struck deep beneath the Indian Ocean on Sunday, unleashing 20-foot walls of water that came crashing down on beaches in seven Asian countries across thousands of miles, smashing seaside resorts and villages and leaving nearly 10,000 dead in their wake." (Article)

Just a few months ago hurricanes barreled across the Caribbean. Terrorist attacks, war in the middle east, genocide in Sudan, deadly typhoon ravages Japan, massacres (i.e. in Honduras last week), killing sprees....

God said it would be chaotic before he returned. How much worse will it get and will we be ready?

December 25th

Seasons Greetings!
Happy Holidays!
Happy Hanukah!
Merry Christmas!
Happy Kwanzaa!

As we remember Christ born in a manger, let us even more ponder His death and resurrection. He didn't die to be remembered as a babe, but He was born to die to redeem us to Himself. As we give and recieve, think on the ultimate gift of life and the Giver. How can we give to Him daily?

'meme'

Inspired by purfiktgurl.
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
* Shelly, Shell, Baby (only K calls me that though)

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
* queensr, qscrose, shellyp

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
* I believe in God; I love; I look cute sometimes

THREE THINGS YOU HATE/DISLIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
* I'm indecisive; I can't keep a clean enough house; I lack creativity (unlike purfiktgurl)

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
* east indian (as in India); 'eurasian'; caribbean black (Grenada & Jamaica)

HREE TWO THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
* dying and leaving my family; that God will come and not accept me

THREE FIVE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
* wear clean underwear; cell phone; license; credit card, car keys

THREE TWO THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
* faded baby blue work short worn as a pajama top; grey sweats worn as pajama bottoms

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS (or artists(at the moment)):
* Sean Paul, Beyonce, Alicia Keys

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
* "My, Myself, and I" is the only one I can remember

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS
* have a second child (I've never had a second child before); visit Japan, running a successful home-based business

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
* mutual service to God; fun; encouragement

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE
* I love my husband, my son, chocolate and strawberries; B should not have been re-elected; racism does not exist

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (or same) THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
* eyes; muscles (like my husbands); height

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN’T DO:
* the splits; be perfect; not love my son and/or my husband

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
* hanging with my son and husband; reading; figuring out what needs to be done next

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
* n/a; n/a; n/a

THREE CAREERS YOU’RE CONSIDERING:
* stay-at-home mom; modeling agent; world traveler

THREE FOUR PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
* Hawaii; Australia; Venice

THREE KID’S NAMES
* Sidney (of course); Shai (maybe); can't think of a third

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
* anything my kid(s) would be proud of; live without (anymore) regrets; please God

VitaMix etc.

Remember the VitaMix machine we bought? We have (read 'K' has) been using it. He's been experimenting. It's only been about a week and he's getting better. He made carrot soup a couple of times. He first try at ice cream didn't go so well. The fruit smoothies are alright. My favorite is the carrot soup.

My sister was down for the weekend. She's broke as usual. This time I'm broke too so I can't even help her. She still made out like a bandit though - our mother gave her her old computer, bought a new printer, and gave her her old digital camera, plus some food from her pantry. Her dad, well, we don't need to discuss him here because it wouldn't be pretty.

Not much going on at work. We're winding down for the holidays. I want to carry over what little vacation I have left so I'll be working just about every day except the federal holidays. Not cool. I can't wait til our businesses start to pick up and I can take a vacation anytime I want, with or without pay.

I've been wasting time thinking about how much time is spent wasting time thinking. It seems like it's a lot. I want to be the kind of person who makes decisions, not just one who analyzes every minute detail and then misses the window. I was reading lousywithvirginity and in one of her posts the author wrote, "paralysis by analysis is the opposite of being productive." I agree.

Mortality

What is man that God should be mindful of him? As I hear of people dying I am forced to consider my own mortality and whether or not I am ready to leave this world. If heaven is perfect why are we afraid to leave earth now? Do we really believe in God and eternity with Him? I so want to believe and be saved when He returns, and I want my loved ones to be saved also. But there's this selfish part of me that wants to watch my son grow up and have a family of his own; a side that wants to grow old with my husband; a side that wants to accomplish much in this life. But all of this is to what end? This imperfect world should hold nothing for the believer.

I must be stressed lately. All my symptoms point to it. I don't feel stressed. But when I try to sleep and it feels like my heart is fibrillating I wonder if it really is stress or something out of my control. And then I stress myself out considering the possibilities. Hence my mind wanders to my mortality. And it becomes a vicious cycle of stress-symptoms-more stress-more symptoms....

I thank God every morning that I wake up.

Pregnancy

No, I'm not pregnant. God-willing I will be this year though. I would love to have three or four children of my own, but I know it's not feasible right now. By the time we might be able to afford them I'll probably be way too old anyway. Between my husband and myself we already have three children, and it's not a financial breeze to take care of them. But I'm still trying for at least one more.

A girlfriend of mine is pregnant and she looks really good - better than I did. :) From the back you would never even know she was expecting. I took her to a photographer last night to have pictures taken of her in her glory. She only has four more weeks to go (I doubt she'll make two) so she's ready to pop. The photographer was really good. He has such an artistic eye - he made her look like a model. These pictures are my gift to her. Yes, I already bought diapers and a mobile for the baby. But these pictures are for her. She brought about three outfits and I we took pictures for almost two hours (144 pix)! I enjoyed it, I hope she did. I know the photographer did - he was having such a good time. I can't wait to see the final product.

What's Going On

Life's been pretty busy. Ok, that's the norm for me, but really.

* I want to get Sidney into modeling
* We're 'managing' three properties in Jacksonville
* K wants to buy / sell cars and parts (incl. engines)
* We're trying the online mall thing

For each of these we'll eventually be setting up a business. Sidney's modeling is the only exception. It depends on how it goes and if I like it enough to start up my own agency. I've been seriously been considering it. I would specialize in boys from birth to age 17. I don't want to deal with the girls - as a Christian I foresee too many conflicts. But, who knows.

As for the properties, I can't wait to get rid of them. Evicting tenants is not fun in the least. I'll stick with buying land.

Speaking of cars, we're planning to go to Japan in a few months...more on that later.

The online mall, well, we have some storefronts to populate. We do have some ideas for products (pillows, candles, jerked meat and seasoning, car accessories, airplanes). K has a contact who sells airplanes in case anyone's interested.

Aggravation via Good Intentions

This morning I woke up late. I'll admit, I was up til 2 am watching the movie, "The Librarian," but still. I set my alarm for about 7 am and of course I didn't actually turn it on. My loving husband didn't wake me either. He was up for an hour and he didn't wake me up - til 10 am! He has this thing about waking me up - he doesn't like to do it. He figures if I'm sleeping I'm tired so he lets me sleep. If I fall asleep earlier than normal in the evening he won't even wake me to brush my teeth or pray or anything. Me, on the other hand, I wake his behind up. And I always tell him to wake me. As a matter of fact I told him last night that I have two meetings at work today. He didn't remember. And I wouldn't expect him to, but if he would just wake me UP; that's all I ask.

The only good thing that came of the day is that I spent more money. Woo-hoo! Went to doctor (me and jr). That comes with a price tag of $20 for the co-pays, then signed up to have my company incorporated in Nevada. That price is more than I'm willing to admit in writing yet. Especially considering all of the other money I (we) have put out in the past three months.

I was looking through the mailers we got today and I had to save the Movado insert to show my husband. Too many pretty watches. Too much money.

Madama Butterfly

Finally ready for bed. Went to see my first opera tonight. Some co-workers decided they wanted to go and I figured what better opportunity. So, of course, I dragged along my husband. It's been a long, hectic day. Got up at 5:45 (am!), got to work by 7:00, got home about 5:30, rushed around and almost got locked out of the first scene of the show. It started at 8:00. We got there at 7:20 but we were so hungry we had to go find something to eat. We rushed the poor waitress, scarfed down our food and practically ran back to the center, up to the balcony via the elevator and into the darkening auditorium. We really just made it. Glad we went though. It would have been better if we had time to socialize beforehand, but the show itself was quite good. I've been to muscials before and this was similar. The difficult part was trying to read the english translation on the screen above performers and trying to watch the performers at the same time. Anyway, I'm off to bed now. G'night.

Today

One of our founding members will be leaving us in a few weeks. What a surprise! Well, we knew it was coming sooner or later, we just hoped it was later than sooner. She's been with the company for 17 years! She's all we know and now she's leaving. I'm sad - for us, and kinda sad for her too. We'll have to start over with someone new and she'll have to start over getting to know other people and learning their company culture / politics. At least here she knew the evils she had to deal with. We've had lots of changes this year and many more are coming. "With change comes opportunity."

Blogging

I find myself wanting to write but not knowing what to actually type up. I don't have anything profound to say - no epiphanies. Just life going on as it does. Why bore you with the mundane episodes of my life - they're not even close to being interesting drama. But I will blog on, even if just for the sake of it. It'll be something for me to look back on and remember.

So

It can't be that I'm that old. I mean, I know I am, but I don't feel like it. And I look at these kids, young teenagers, and I try to remember if I or any of my friends were like how these kids are now. Did we "not get it" back then too? Probably not. But I like to think we did. Kids are just so selfish - the world revolves around them. They see their little world as the be all and end all and they can't see past their noses. The only hope I have is that they'll grow out of it as most of us do. It's just so difficult rationalizing with a non-rational person. They just don't understand. And apparently they can't understand. Their brains aren't developed enough. Will I have the patience to deal with Sidney when he becomes a teenager?

Giving Thanks

I must admit that today went pretty well. I was expecting it to feel crowded but surprisingly it didn't. It was nice seeing my husband's cousins and then some. The food was very good. Deep-fried turkey, baked sweet potatoes, some kind of green beans, and yum and yum and yum. I promised myself not to eat too much and I didn't! I was still stuffed by the end of dinner, but not overstuffed like I could have been.

So much to give thanks for - I doubt there would be enough blog space.

Have you ever...

...spent a long time working on something one way only to remember that it should be done another way? That's what happened to me. I must have panicked or something. I was in such a rush to finish up one of my projects at work that I spent THREE days trying to make it work, only to be reminded today that what I was doing was totally unnecessary. Argh!

...looked around where you live and been utterly disgusted? That's what happened to me. Actually, it happens to me much too often. I look around my house and wish I could put everything outside, redo the inside, and then only bring in the stuff that really belongs. Time and effort is all it takes really. But other things have my attention right now, so I have to continue to settle for disgusted.

...had a short week? Guess what. That's what happened to me. Just this week. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and 99% of the places will be shut down. Friday is also a holiday for me. I wish that meant shopping!

...started a todo list that felt like it was never-ending?...

Busy

I'm not doing so well with my resolution to keep in touch. Work has been keeping me busy. One of my girlfriends is, what, 7+ months pregnant? I wanted to take pix of her every month but that didn't work either. (I see a trend here.) I went (by myself) to visit her a couple of weeks ago and we had a good time just talking. Of course, I did take a couple of pix. What I told her I'll be doing is commissioning a friend of mine to take some pix of her. He is the absolute coolest photographer! I told him about her and he's more than willing. He loves taking pix. He even set up a studio in his house. The next time I'm pregnant (hoping) I want him to take pix of me too.

Home Show

There are a few rituals in my family. Once of them is attending the car show. Another is attending the Home Design & Remodeling Show. Ok, so the last one isn't really a tradition, yet, but it might become one. When we went last year we ended up buying a set of waterless pots from Kitchen Craft, which we love. This year, yesterday we left with a Vita Mix receipt and a set of knives. Can you tell that we're food-oriented? There were so many other things we saw that I liked - a king sleigh bed, a bamboo gazebo, some decorative oil & vinegar, some hand-crafted wooden fruits, and the list goes on.

disappointment

It's practically the end of November. No problem there. I've barely written a paragraph of my NaNoBlogMo novel. Problem there. I really wanted to try this, but I crashed and burned early on. First of all, the first week was lost because I was on vacation and had extremely limited access to the internet. The second week, in a flurry of fingers, I pushed out the first few sentences. Since then, I haven't had a chance to think, much less type. Doesn't much make sense to try to catch up now. I'd have to write 10,000 words per day, minimum. Imagine having to write two five thousand word essays! Rough stuff.

Happy

I'm so proud of myself! Well, sort of. I worked on my spiel and I worked on it til finally my turn came during the Board meeting. I'll tell you, I don't think I saw anything besides the chairperson, my notes, and the ceiling every once in a while. By the end of it, no one had any questions. Normally a motion is followed by a flurry of questions and criques and discussion. This time, only four people raised their hands and each one of them supported the motion. Needless to say, my department (Communication), got the money needed to upgrade the video system. It's not enough to do everything I would like, but it's a good start. Boy, I didn't wait. I told Karl before I even got home and he called the guy who'll be putting together the PC. Today we put money in his account so he can order what he needs. Just tonight we went to Brandsmart and bought the camera and a pack of DV tapes. Wed we'll do a test run. We hope to get the PC by this weekend to do a real test run - videotape a service and burn it to a DVD w/minor edits. The reason we're pushing is twofold: (1) Music Weekend is coming up Dec 3-4 and we want to be able to sell DVDs, CDs, etc, as a fundraiser; and (2) we're just anxious to get this going so people can see that we're serious, then maybe they'll take this whole technology thing more seriously.

My vision is to educate the church. There's no reason why God's people should lag behind. But it's difficult when the majority of the congregation is an older Jamaican crowd. I'm hoping that if we show them what current technology can do, they'll become interested to learn more and make use of what's out there, for themselves and for witnessing.

Tired

I'm sure you know what it feels like to be tired so I won't bore you with the details. Let me just say that I am tired right now. I've had a full day and I have another full day ahead of me, then it's back to work.
To Do:
* rekindle the local NSBE Alumni flame
* decide if I want to present at Nationals in March
* update my benefits for next year
* prepare my spiel for Board Meeting this afternoon
* get my short- and long-term goals together by Tuesday
* find gifts for Pastors' Appreciation

New Car

Now, I'm a BMW enthusiast, just as every other in the world should be, but I think I fell in love with another last night. Our annual trip to the car show was almost uneventful until I saw my next car. It's the redesigned Audi A6. It's competing with the BMW 545, and it looks like it's giving it a run for the money. At $55K USD it's not cheap, but hey, you only live once. Yeah, sure. Maybe when I "make partner" for the company I work for. :p

Friends

I need to make a lifetime resolution to stay in touch with the friends that matter to me. I know, all people are important and no one should be discounted. What I mean is that, the people who I have found to have a positive effect on my life I need to keep in my life. It's hard a lot of the times with a hectic schedule, to take my free time away from my family and give to others. That's the selfish part of me. What a sob story. Everyone has a sob story. But, I'll need my friends to help keep me grounded in reality. My husband is great at that but adding others' experiences and opinions can only make my life richer.

Not Alone

I thought I was the only one, or that I was just weird, but apparently I'm not alone. I'm 30 years old. I feel like I could still be in college. But I'm a mother and a step-mother and a wife. How could this be? How did I get here? I'm an adult? I have to be responsible for other's lives, I'm not a dependent anymore. Amazing. And what do I have to show for my 30 years of life? Well, definitely gratitude. I thank God for all the blessings he has showered on me (too many to list, believe me). Yes, I have the sweetest little boy in the world. Yes, I have a fine speciman of a husband who loves me. Yes, I have a relatively good-paying job with a good working environment. Yes, I still have my health. Yes, I have a house. What else? Who am I trying to convince anyway? I've already convinced myself that I've accomplished some important things. Of course, there's always room for improvement. There's so much more I want to do. If I could afford to not work what would I do? TRAVEL!! The places and cultures - too much to take in and not enough time. If you're reading this and you're single w/o kids -> TRAVEL. Learn new ways to view the world. You might have a paradigm shift and your whole world could change.

I have a friend who is wandering. I'm not sure what she's looking for. Happiness? A feeling of accomplishment? Wish I could help her but I don't know what to say. She needs the courage and discipline to choose somethings to do and stick to them. If she was living here I would help her - it's difficult when you live 1500 miles apart.

Btw, just finished reading "A Tale of Two Cities." I was supposed to have read it in high school but never did. I mean, I read some of the first book and part of the third book but that was it. Even reading this time around was somewhat difficult. But what amazed me, besides being a beautiful story, was the literary genius. I wish I could evoke the imagination and manipulate the English language the way Dickens does. And speaking of books, I signed up for NaNoBlogMo. The first week will be tough because I will have very limited access to the internet. And while it appears I have no trouble writing, I actually do. I have to make a conscious effort to be creative (unlike my aforementioned friend to whom it comes naturally) and then I don't want it to seem forced. (sigh.)

First One

First post about "this life." Not much to say, yet too much to say. Have a lot on my plate right now. (Not literally, but almost.) I'm a mother, you've probably noticed. I'm married. I work fulltime. I'm active in my church. I want to rekindle our local NSBE Alumni flame. I have a normal dysfunctional extended family. I would be glad if I could just once sit down and be me without having to juggle all the other hats.