Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Mortality

What is man that God should be mindful of him? As I hear of people dying I am forced to consider my own mortality and whether or not I am ready to leave this world. If heaven is perfect why are we afraid to leave earth now? Do we really believe in God and eternity with Him? I so want to believe and be saved when He returns, and I want my loved ones to be saved also. But there's this selfish part of me that wants to watch my son grow up and have a family of his own; a side that wants to grow old with my husband; a side that wants to accomplish much in this life. But all of this is to what end? This imperfect world should hold nothing for the believer.

I must be stressed lately. All my symptoms point to it. I don't feel stressed. But when I try to sleep and it feels like my heart is fibrillating I wonder if it really is stress or something out of my control. And then I stress myself out considering the possibilities. Hence my mind wanders to my mortality. And it becomes a vicious cycle of stress-symptoms-more stress-more symptoms....

I thank God every morning that I wake up.

1 comment:

notyouraverage.... said...

hmmm... maybe that's why, each day we are to live life, as correctly as we can? do everything in the moment, live good christian lives, everyday.so, that every night, you can say 'it was a good day God, 'thank-you'. plans are good, wanting to see your family grow up and thinking of the future is good, but maybe those are just that, the future and not here right now - so they shouldn't take up our thoughts (too much)? but instead take as much joy from things happening right now? i don't know. i know that i believe in God, but at the same time maybe i'm scared to commit to God. i was talking to a friend of mine, and i said to her, 'well, what if i want to go to church, but i don't like the preacher or they don't preach good (that particular one),and that's the reason i don't go.' she said, 'you shouldn't be going for a great service or the delivery, but going to hear the message - which you would hear if you are open, regardless of how it's delivered. (sorry for the digression)