Wednesday, December 14, 2005

My (younger) sister graduated from college this past Saturday. I believe she now has a Bachelor's Degree in Psychology. Good for her. She worked hard for it. My sister and I have never been that close. We are almost eight years apart so you can imagine what it's like when you're a teenager and you're forced to drag along your kid sister. Anyway, we got through that part of our lives fairly well. Things were fine until my mother moved to Florida and allowed me to finish my last year of high school in Toronto. My sister was 8 years old and I was 16. I think that year of us being apart and her being basically thrown into a totally new environment has a lot to do with her present "issues." All she had was my strict mother and no buffer or big sisterly influence. She left her French Immersion elementary school and ended up at a not-so-good elementary school down here where she couldn't even understand her teacher's english (my mother couldn't understand the teacher either). Well, when I finally did move down here whatever we had before was pretty much gone. We certainly grew apart and it hasn't stopped since then. That's not to say we don't make any effort but I've come to the realization that we will probably never be close like good friends. To be good friends you have to understand each other and get along, have things in common, etc. We have none of that so we settle for civil communication. If you want to know extremes, we are they. I'm the introvert, she's the extrovert. I don't need but one friend, she needs every friend including all of mine. I love mathematics and science, she's more creative. We both have our good points and our bad points. I understand and accept and expect that. But yesterday, yesterday I gave her a piece of my mind - and you know it's serious when I use my daytime cell minutes to do it! We didn't see eye to eye on a subject and she felt the need to call me and try to make me feel guilty. I know the real reason she's hurting and I've been trying for years to help her understand those reasons, but she can't seem to get it. Instead she lets it affect her, she allows herself to get into unsafe situations, and to top it off she wrongly directs her aggravation towards me. She made a few statements a couple of weeks ago that I took personally. So yesterday when she called with some foolishness as a continuation of the previous weeks conversation, let's just say I had more than a few words for her to let her know how I felt about the situation.

I worry about her. I worry about when she's going to grow up. She's ambitious and beautiful but sometimes she ain't got no sense. I hate airing laundry which is why I've been purposely vague, but this latest drama has bothered me to no end. I don't expect her to be like me. Of course not. I do expect people to figure out that 1+1=2 when they're taught how to add. Some people pay attention in class while others don't want to be in class, and others still are in class but are mentally out to lunch. Why can't we all just pay attention?


I'll try to make my next post less depressing than the last couple have been.


benthebald said...

Take a deep breath. Relax. Exhale. Good. Dr. B da B is gonna talk to ya. I'm trying my bestest best to be unbiased. I think the immaturity is the minor issue. I think the underlying past and present pain/issues are THE major factor in your sister's life. How she handles these issues have nothing to do with our maturity level and/or "not getting it". It really boils down to what we perceive as making us feel better - even if it is for a moment. Logically, 1+1 does equal 2. Emotionally, 1*4+10-12=1 also. What I'm trying to say is that a person may see things as extremely complicated, but they believe that the end result is the same (but in most cases it's not). If you felt the need to tell her like it is there is nothing wrong with that. Remember, to her that it's your opinion, not a fact.

SP said...

I know this is really hard on you. You also know what my relationship is like to my sister. It's not that unlike yours, only this time I'm the little sister. It's always difficult for me to hear people talk about their younger siblings because I always feel the need to give them a little sister's point of view, which is something you may not want to hear, but may need to. Your sister is still young. Over time, I think she will mature which will help. But as a little sister, I can also say that it's very hard to take advice/life lessons from big sister that wasn't always there for me. Telling her that her comments bothered you was a very good thing. Next time you should tell her right away so that it won't bother you more over time, and maybe she'll learn to stop herself before she feels the need to say certain things. Above all, you've got to accept the "faults" in her, and hope that she accepts the "faults" in you. I think that's how my sister and I have gotten better in recent years. That and she has learned to let me make my own mistakes, without judgment. Well, at least I don't have to hear her judgement, although I'm sure she still disapproves! *smile*

Proactiff said...

Catharis. Catharsis.

Shawn said...

you sound very emotional. the history between you to must be really, really rocky. do you internalize, and hold everything inside then explode?

thanks for the visit.