Wednesday, May 03, 2006

"So much trouble in the world"

Well, at least in my house.

Life has been so busy lately. I know that's everyone's sob story so I shouldn't feel like I'm so special. lol.

Last Saturday the 15 yr-old was caught driving the car of a lady from our church. Can you say 'ballistic'? Yes, that was my husband. Then we found out the boy dang-near groped one of his female friends that he's known since elementary school. She was more than upset and tried to get her fist to connect with any part of his body but his reflexes are quick so he got away. She flung some words at him though to give him an idea of how she felt about what he did.

History.
The boy and his father have had issues from before I met them. This boy's mother lives on the other side of the country and didn't (seem to me) to fight enough to keep her son (that's a whole other story - too much drama to recount). Anyway, the boy is trying to be independent which is fine but his father expects him to learn some responsibility along the way, which is also understandable. When the boy bought himself size 38 pants (his waist is 31 btw and the pants are even too big for his father) his daddy almost threw them out. Instead he actually let him return them to the store for a store credit. The pants issue has been going on for about two years now, although I think the boy has finally gotten over it. In the meantime, he has three chores that he can't seem to do consistently (wash the dishes, sweep the floor three days a week, and put out the trash two days a week). Oh, I forgot, he has to do his own laundry and clean his own bathroom. What a rough life this child leads, wouldn't you say? He, of course, feels he's on lockdown despite the fact that every weekend after church he's going to someone's house for lunch, plus he goes on church trips and school trips. The one time he was told he couldn't go to the mall at 8 o'clock on a Sat night with a bunch of guys older than him he decided there was no use in doing his chores. A few days later we all sat down and had (what I thought) was a pretty good discussion about the whole state of affairs in our household. Sometime following that discussion is when the aforementioned grope and car incidents occurred. That is why his father went 'ballistic' on him, becuase here we thought things were maybe going to get better, or at least stay the same, but not get worse like endangering others' lives by driving someone's car or disrespecting someone and their personal space.

The rest of Saturday was a wash with hours of extended family discussions as aunts and uncles got in on the act. I thought it was productive and this week has been better. I'll keep you posted.

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Oh, and for the record, I would not ask for a pic of my ex's wife. I don't need to see her that badly. I've always known what church they go to but I've never cared enough to even pay them a visit. Que sera sera. We're fine just how we are.

12 comments:

princessdominique said...

I feel you on not wanting to see the picture. Just keep moving on...

notyouraverage.... said...

good luck to you and k. in getting him to fall in line. ;-)

The Gig said...

You are too funny. *having a senior moment such as forgetting what I read on your post* Oh yeah, I just remembered -- The person you spoke of in your post just sounds to me like the typical teenager of today. *smiling*

Stunner said...

Troubled teens.

SP said...

Boy am I glad I dont' have kids!

chele said...

Gosh. I promise never to complain about my 15-year old again. He does his own laundry, he keeps his room clean, he mows the lawn without being told. He does stay on the phone for hours and he buys pants that are a 34 waist (he's a 31, too). I think my son thinks it makes more sense to do right instead of having to listen to my mouth! At least for now ... Lord only knows what he has in store for me.

Aziza said...

Is your stepson trying to run up you alls blood pressure? Some of these young people don't want to listen to anybody, but depend on their parents to bail them out when they get in trouble. Kids need to realize that their parents work hard to give them the things that they want and need. And parents love them enough to worry about them. My lawd. We have to pray for these kids.

Shawn said...

He sounds like a well-mannered and responsible young man.

Does have any extra-curricular activities?

Been to counseling?

Mocha_Grl said...

"He was caught driving the car of a lady from our church"

How did he get access to this car anyway?

Sounds like he's really testing the boundaries of the household, must be a very stressful time. Hopefully it's a short phase (fingers crossed)

NeenaLove said...

children... just as adults... act out because there's something hurting them inside.

the question becomes: what? what's bothering him?

benthebald said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you neenalove, for your input. I am no counselor, but in my experience with teenagers with "issues" (which is far from limited), there is almost always an underlying reason. Low self-esteem, peer pressure, hurting because of a death, divorce, etc., parent marrying someone else, new children gaining more attention, not being understood, being talked AT instead of being talked TO, seeing their parents as hypocrites, and the list goes on and on and on...

Parents tend to focus on the negatives instead of the positives. Kids aren't entirely bad. Parents, in general, are quick to pat themselves on the back when their kid is good and question "I don't know why he/she is like this?" when they aren't good. They need us to guide them, not to bash them. His father should take the time to find out what the problem is. Remember, the child may not come across as logical or sensible to an adult, but they have issues just like we do, and their issues need to be acknowledged.

Aziza said...

Indeed, Neena and BentheBald brought up some great points, because kids have a lot things to deal with. But I'm glad my parents got firm with me at one point in my teenage years. I was about to make a huge mistake. And now I wonder what I was thinking back then. Maybe I should blog about it one day.