Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Videos, Cervices, and Dead-Beat Dads

What do these three things have in common? Absolutely nothing. I can't even say that I'm a common the common thread cause I don't have a beautiful cervix. :(

K and I run the video system (among other things) at our church. We capture the service to a harddrive and then edit it and create a DVD. The DVDs are generally given to members by request and we 'encourage' them give a donation to the Communication Department. One evening we got a surprise because the powers that be tracked us down and asked us to tape a funeral service the next day. We were still on holiday so we obliged the request. Maybe a week later we got a request from a member to tape a wedding. We are by no means professionals, but in the amateur realm we can hold our own. K is looking into doing this more seriously...and charging for the service.

I went with SP to the dr the other day. (You can read her take here.) I thought it went well. The dr seemed nice enough. I didn't think he was hitting on her when he told her that she had a beautiful cervix. I think he just appreciated it. Me, in the meantime, I wanted to look, but you know SP would have killed me! When I went to work the next day I looked up some pictures and sent them to her telling her that this is what she looks like. Ok, maybe I have cervix envy. K refused to agree to even try to take pix of mine so I could know what it looks like. TMI?

Dead-beat dad? Yes, I have one. My mother raised me almost single-handedly. Fortunately she had my grandmother and my step-grandfather to help her. I never knew him but I've heard that I look like him to some degree, which can be expected. He comes to mind every once in a while when I sometimes wonder if he has other children, or if he settled down to make a family. I wonder if I ever cross his mind like he fleets through mine. It never really bothered me too much on the surface. Other kids talked about their dads and it didn't bother me. My take was, I never knew what I was missing so I didn't and couldn't miss it. Besides, my mother was tough enough for two. My mother has asked me time and again if I don't want to know him. She would tell me it's my right to know him. She said I should demand it from members of his family. What can I say? It never mattered enough. It's not for me to seek him when my grandmother's address hasn't changed from before I was born. His brother, my uncle, has been our family practitioner since I can remember. He has no excuse for not seeking me out. He didn't want to, for whatever reason, so I never wanted to. Granted, I would have loved to have been invited to the "family reunion" a few years ago but maybe my presence would have made things uncomfortable since I'm only a member by blood and not familial interaction. He crossed my mind again recently, not by his own merit, but because my mother got an interesting phone call from a longtime friend of hers who happens to know some members of his family. She said she spoke to his sister-in-law who said her daughter, my cousin, really, really wanted to talk to me. Yet, she never asked for my mother's number. I took it on myself to get my aunt's number to call her myself and ask for my cousin. It was an interesting call. I didn't have any questions for my aunt or uncle. Why would I? They've been in the position to grant me access to their children but they didn't. Now they say it's a shame that all these years have passed. WTH? They asked how I am and said it's nice to hear from me. They asked about my son and they wanted to know what I do for a living. Umm, do you really care or are you nosey or are you making small talk? All I wanted was to talk to my newfound 26 year old cousin. (She doesn't live at home so they said they would pass on my phone number.) I could have made a better effort over the years to be a part of my father's family. But why? This is certainly not a discredit to my unknown cousins, because I'm sure my life would have been more full had I known them. On the same token, my life was completely full without my father's family involved. My new cousin may read this and if she does I hope she doesn't get offended. This is just me talking.

And I thought I didn't have anything to blog about!


NeenaLove said...

shellyp... service(video service) for church is storing up treasures in heaven. at least you know that when you create a business around it, you'll already have a good reputation and a wonderful following.

as for the cervix... i have my own story around that. we women are so funny... escorting each other to the GYN. lol...

as for the dead beat dad... i say... give it a whirl... forgiveness, i mean. even if you didn't miss him... RELEASING him of any ties to you FREES you... and you never have to look back again.

Anonymous said...

yes - just a bit too much info. LOL! i myself, have a cervix that tilts backward.

i think the onus would definitely be on him and his family members, to seek you out. they (were) the adults that would've have easily been able to make that step. he's the one that loses out in the end. and i'm sure, he will (if not already) regret that he hasn't tried to be a part of your life.

benthebald said...

When I went by your house to say goodbye, K was busy being editor and producer. So busy that he ignored all of us and even ignored the $5000 check I was trying to give him (okay, he wasn't that bad). K - go for it!!

I told SP that it could be a great pick up line - "If I said you had a beautiful cervix, would you hold it against me."

She could get a T-shirt made that says "beautiful cervix - doctor proven". Men will love her, women will envy her.

Dead beat dads. This one troubles me a lot. I cannot fathom how a man can turn his back on his children. You hate the mother? You hate the family? You are ashamed? Too busy? Living in another country? Sorry - there is no valid explanation in my mind. Yes we should forgive. Unfortunately, I have seen far too many children attempt to foster a relationship with their fathers, and they end up struggling to keep the relationship going because the father still isn't being the father/man he should be. Okay, let me stop - I'm getting annoyed.

Shawn said...

re: deadbeat dads - that sucks. i can't believe his family has never reached out to you. his mother doesn't keep in contact with you? how's your relationship with your uncle that is your family practioner?

re: cervix - women visiting the OB/GYN with a friend in tow? is this a standard practice? that's ood. i can't imagine inviting my buddy to visit the urologist with me.

Aziza said...

I guess your father's people, his sisters and brothers, probably feel bad about him turning his back on you. So, I guess that they didn't know what to say. But since they are the elders in this case, it would be nice for them to try to get to know you, since you reached out to them first. They need to accept you with open arms. Hopefully, everything will work out just fine.

princessdominique said...

That just goes to show anything is blog material. My hubsy is doing homework an dsomething he's doing is going to be an upcoming blogpost. Go figure.