Monday, November 07, 2005

The Eye

There's a guy I know, an acquaintance, who's been giving it to me lately. The eye, that is, not "it." I started noticing it about a week ago. My immediate instinct was to continually act as if I didn't notice. I still do that. But I did mention it to my husband. He found it amusing. I told a friend of mine about it (benthebald) and he said my reaction was the best one. Anything else would be letting the guy know that I've noticed his attentions, and that would in effect encourage him to continue. I guess so. It's just a strange position to be in. I'm married and he knows it; he's married and he's knows I know it. Yet still.... Yes, it's nice to be "appreciated" but it's not so nice to be given an unwanted invitation.

I plan to continue on with my tact of acting as if I'm missing his cues. Hopefully he'll give up whatever it is he's trying to do.


The Gig said...

Good going Shelly, I'm glad you are ignoring the temptation. That's admirable.

NeenaLove said...

LOL... the fun, for him, is probably in the chase... and your COMPLETE "naivete" approach.

SP said...

Ignoring is all good, but if it doesn't stop, you need to tell him. He may just think you are playing it hard to get. Make it clear that his actions need to stop and remind him of his marriage vows because maybe he forgot!

Aziza said...

I used to think ignoring a guy would give him the hint. But some guys love the chase. Nevertheless, he should really leave you alone knowing that you are married.

WIP said...

How is his "eye" harming? I say it's enough that you've blogged about it. Looking but no touching may have been how he was raised. We can't control what others ultimately do. The question is, what kind of Spirit is possibly being given off by you - unknowingly - that has attracted his [spirit]? Just something to think about. My married girlfriend told me that God showed her she had a "seductive" Spirit and she put that Sucker MC (I couldn't resist that term) to rest through prayer and [possibly] fasting.

Also, Joyce Meyer said that sometimes [we] have to seek God in all that we do. Women could be going to work dressing in an unpleasing manner; too sexy and attracting men. Men could be buying coffee and bagels for women coworkers when he needs to be buying that sort of thing for his unhappy spouse at home. We should be trying to glorify God in all that we do. Sometimes we get too far off the beaten path and need to do a spiritual evaluation of our daily life. Good thing you've noticed some things with this guy with your [obvious] spiritual-married-woman-eyes.

End my two cents.

Off topic: Neena's avator photo IS hot-to-death! She's gorgeous. Should be in movies.

benthebald said...

The reason why I would say ignore him is because if you are truly ignoring him then he will have absolutely no idea if what he is doing is making an impact. You should not put yourself in a position that you are assuming that you know what his staring is about.

Let's discuss ignoring. Do not make him aware that you are ignoring him if you know what I mean. If he is made aware, then you have given him the upper hand (he will know that he has gained your attention). Now that you know that he is giving you the eye, you need to not change your reactions toward him. I don't think its a good idea to confront him because then he can deny that he was doing it. It'll be your word against his, but the accusor (you) will have the burden of proof. Not everything is solved by confrontation. He could very well twist it around, and, with a couple of words, damage your character.

I agree that men like the thrill of the chase, but they also HATE being ignored (it implies their game is weak). Ladies - LISTEN - ignoring a man is by far the best ammo you have. In my opinion, it doesn't work for some because, in general, men are extremely persistent and women crave resolution (why is he looking at me, I want to know, I'm gonna tell him to stop, he's being disrespectful and I'm gonna let him know, etc.).

Proactiff, I like the points you made. It got me looking at scripture. I don't want to take it to the deep end so I'll leave it alone for now.

Anonymous said...

i don't think i agree with what Tiff said. regardless of what kind of spirit you are giving off - he should respecting both of your bounds. because you have a beautiful, kind, welcoming spirit - you should be subjected to people that can't control themselves? what about all the other people that are able to enjoy and relish in your beautiful spirit - they should be denied, because of 1 person?

i agree with ben... don't assume you know what he is 'looking' at. and that is soooo true, about women needing to 'resolve' - even if 'resolving' something, just stirs it up even more! ;-)