Monday, June 27, 2005

Can We Do Better?

Edit: Hubby wants ya'll to know, that this post is not referring to our relationship.

Men are just as complex as women. I don't think that fact is emphasized enough. Men are expected to be 'men'. But they have feelings too. Just because they may not cry does not mean that they don't hurt. I came across an interesting post yesterday, "I now believe that it's not really sex that I crave. Nor is it love. I have both already. The sex could be better and more frequent, but it's not like we never, ever do it. And the love is there in abundance. No, it's not sex or love that I crave. It's desire. And by that I mean that I crave a relationship with a woman who really, truly desires me. A woman who lusts after me." This was written by a married man who loves his wife. Women, why do we let our men suffer like this. I know, we're not the only guilty party, but let's focus on our part for now. If your man doesn't feel desired, he will look for someone who will desire him. Don't doubt it. He WILL. And you know what? He will find someone or someones who will do for him what his woman won't. And then what? If and when he cheats, whose fault is it? Yes, he's grown and he can choose to not break the vow. Biblically, his woman can leave him. But is she really an innocent party?

My questions then are, what can we do to keep our men? How do we keep them interested? What big or little things can we do to show our desire for our mate?

11 comments:

notyouraverage.... said...

thinking back on past relationships, that comment really rings true. we love when our guys are really into us and find us sexy and attractive and when they are the agressors. but i have noticed that they desire that too - to be found sexy and attractive and irresistible - i think we, as women, see this, think it's cute, but don't really take true note of it as something they need all the time - or as much as we feel we need it (to be found sexy and attractive).

WIP said...

Flipping the script here... Recently Ronnie made a joke/comment about taking something he bought me that I hadn't worn (a nighty) back and just get the credit...buy something else that I'd rather. I said, "No. Why you think I don't like/want it? Cause I haven't worn it in Your. Time. Frame?" I acted "hurt" and tried to walk away. He hurriedly told me he was "just joking." I knew differently and began saying so. I said, "What are you doing for my "psyche"? Where's your lingerie? Sexy bedroom gear? Huh... huh?" He stood there with this blank look, and then said, "You're right, babe. You are absolutely right."

Desire is a two-way street. I do things to show/keep my husband sexually interested and desired by me (let 'em know I want him in more ways than father/husband/friend/provider/etc.). I talk to him "naughtily" during love-making. So that's verbal reinforcement. I call him and send him e-mails too.

But here is where my problem lies; I am feeling like how some men feel when although they married a "brick-house" ten years ago... and now she's a "whole block". I am prayerful about my husband having the "desire" to get back into shape and maybe that will change his "desire" to want to do better. BUT don't get it twisted. He knows how to COMPENSATE sans sexy bedroom gear. KWIM?

WIP said...

Oh. And 'K' we all know you are going to read these comments with pen to paper. Ladies let's take these brotha readers back to skool!
*LOL*

Anonymous said...

IN MY OPINION…

Men like to be pursued. In love, go out your way to show how much you care. In lust, go out of your way to show him how much you desire your king, your love god.

Men love women’s little secrets. Tell him when you’re horny – use secret codes if you are shy. Tell him what kind of undies you are wearing (promise him a show later AND DELIVER). Touch him to let him know you want love. Grab him when you want to tell him “I want this.”

Men want to know that they are truly pleasing their women (no fake orgasms please, no overly done groans and moans, no “wow you are HUGE” when he’s hung like a sea-horse).

Men are territorial – ladies, use this to your advantage!! When you go out and you are wearing your cute outfits and not much else, other men know and they look. Don’t overdo it, but show those other men that you are with the man of your dreams (fantasies) already – your man will notice and appreciate it.

Men like the thrill of the chase. If you can’t hold him back for a day or so, try it for a couple of hours. Promise him some, but don’t promise him when. Relax and watch the hoops of fire your man will jump through for “da good stuff”. The funny thing is that he’ll be thinking he’s “wearing you down”.

I can go on, but I told Shelly that I have to get back to work. Take this with you ladies - WE ARE NOT SIMPLE CREATURES DRIVEN BY SEX.

Kajuana said...

This is an awesome post. It's all maintenance. Just like you get your oil changed to keep your car running, you gotta do stuff to keep your man running.

Anonymous said...

anonymous II...
While I agree 100% with anonymous I, it's even more simple than that. If you just maintain the desire you showed, and the way you showed it before you were married, that would be a great start. I know alot of what anonymousI said may be alot to ask from our "shy" ladies overnight, but if you just try to maintain what you showed before marriage (and how you showed it), I will be okay...for now. That would assume though that all that was shown before was genuine, and not "fake"

Jdid said...

preach on sista preach on

Aziza said...

Shelly, this topic is a great subject for a blog entry. Since I've never been married, I'll sit back and read the responses and keep them in mind if I get married.

Wali S. said...

Shelly, this is an interesting post especially in this day and age of "Who needs a man...". Your point is valid and to the point; however, I'd take respect over desire any day. Generally speaking, respect me for what I can do for and with you as your man...allow me to fulfill my responsibilities to you as your man with the best that I have to offer. The way I see it respect begets appreciation, trust, love and affection. Any person who can't committ himself to a women who meets these simple items DESERVE to be alone.

Chele said...

That was a worthy topic and I could blog in here about it but I'm just going to cut to the last sentence (question).

While she may not be the "innocent" party, she isn't any more guilty than a man who chose to cheat instead of communicate his needs to his woman.

We have a tendency to take our partners for granted and let the relationship get "old" but one person can't sustain a relationship.

In order to get your needs met, you need to state them and not just hope your partner can is Miss Cleo's first cousin.

It's very possible that making him feel sexy or whatever still wouldn't have been enough to "keep him from" straying.

Don Tate II said...

Shelly, besides the sex thing, which, damn, I can't beieve I hear a woman saying, "we could do it more," I think its all about stroking the brothas ego. That may sound kinda small, but words of affermation, words that build him up, words that make him feel like the king of the castle that he is, is what will keep a man.