Friday, November 30, 2007

When Is 'Enough' Enough?

Where is the line between not settling and setting your standards so high that you miss out on great opportunities??

That question could be applied to any facet of life but today I'm specifically talking about relationships.

Here's an excerpt from a previous post...
"I was engaged once...for over a year. Here's a tip: If you're engaged over a year, I'll bet the farm you don't really want to be with the person you've chosen. Get out before you waste more (of both of your) time. Not sure what I was thinking with this one. Everyone knew he wasn't for me (including me and, of course, my mother). According to my mother, we were always fighting. I wasn't in love with him either, but he was (is) a really good person. Not a love lost, but we learned a lot from each other. I credit myself with making him a better man for his current wife."

Yes, every situation is different, blah, blah, blah. But how are they alike?

I stayed with a 'good' man even though I knew the relationship would not be enough for me, I assumed I could make it be enough. I asked myself why I would need more than a perfectly good man.

It wasn't that the guy wasn't good or good enough or good for me, he just wasn't for me. He (may) have thought that our personalities clicked but from my perspective they did not. Of course you can't expect the person you're with to act 100% according to your expectations. Probably not even 75%, but what is the 25% like? Is that 25% tolerable? I wanted to believe it was. It wasn't.

The man I have now is a 'good' man also. Granted, some of the 25% are things that get on my nerves but the other 75% make it so much easier to deal with.

I still say, when in doubt, don't.

So what is the answer to the initial question? For me, the answer is when that 25% really is tolerable, things that you know you can live with...forever


Anyone participate in NaNoWriMo this year? I started. I even got my step-daughter into it. We attended our first write-in and I came out with over 700 words! That was three weeks ago. (No yay.) The deadline is midnight tonight. My hopes of completion are fading fast. One thing they have on the NaNoWriMo site is how to donate when you're broke. I particularly liked the first option that talks about getting sponsored by family and friends. This would be a good way to ensure participation and maybe even completion. Don't be surprised if next year I come to you with a special request. ;)


Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

(btw. i deleted the above post because of a typo. i hate that it doesn't actually erase that you commented.)

KimPossible said...

Hey Shelly P,

I think that as women we get that gut feeling that this isn't going to work. But, because we are nurturer's by nature we settle and stay. Thinking that we can change the situation. And what ends up happening is we get comfortable, settle, and become content in that situation. And our high standards are smothered by the "maybe things will change", "maybe I can change him", "it's not that bad." Before you know it we are holding ourselves hostage.

The good thing is that we are fighters. So, you learn from that mistake and make sure you don't repeat those same behavior patterns in your current relationship.


Keep in touch and drop by my blog spot.


SP said...

What brought on this "enough" post?

KimPossible said...

Happy Friday Shelly P!!!


KimPossible said...

Hey Shelly Bell! Where you at girl! Happy Friday! I hope all is well with you.

Drop by my blog and weigh in, let me know your thoughts.
Take care chica.


KimPossible said...

Hey Shelly,

I tagged you on my blog. Go check out my last post. Get ta writing. LOL!