Often when I'm riding as a passenger I look at all the cars around me and the windows in buildings and think about all the different types of people that make up this world. Every day just driving to work I pass hundreds or thousands of people. Looking up at one apartment building I'm looking at the homes of thousands of people. I wonder what their lives are like. They must have problems like I do. Are they just as bad? Are they worse? Are they not as difficult to deal with? Of course, all are true. I just wonder.

I was reading the news during lunch today and I came across this article: "Mishaps, misunderstandings can be friendship killers." I must admit that I thought of SP and her current "friendship" as I read it. A couple of things stood out....

B. J. Gallagher, author of the book "Friends Are Everything" said, "We tend to judge ourselves by our intentions, but we judge others by actions. We have a double standard: We let ourselves off the hook when we feel innocent, but if somebody else does the same thing, we don't give them credit for the same good intentions."

How true is that?? I couldn't have said it better myself.

This is often the root of hurt feelings and misunderstandings, Gallagher said.

I know a lot of people won't agree with this other statement of hers though....

You should still apologize for something that appeared wrong even if your intentions were innocent. "You can still apologize for the impact of your bahavior" even if you're not sorry for the behavior itself (emphasis added by me).

I've heard many a person say, "I don't have to apologize. I didn't do anything wrong." So? It goes back to self-centeredness and not being willing or able to look at yourself objectively instead of subjectively.

We all have to live on earth together. Why not make your corner of the world a pleasant place to be?

Pet Peeves and More

Yesterday during lunch the topic of accountability came up. That has got to be one of my biggest pet peeves - people who act like nothing is ever their fault. It's right up there with the people who say "amen" in church cause they just know the preacher is talking to someone else in the congregation. I have to keep my contact with the aforementioned people to a minimum. It boggles my mind that a person can do x which results in y but then swear it wasn't his/her fault. A know a few people like that. They never look at themselves. They never look into themselves. They make comments like, "I know I'm not perfect, but..." If they really believed they weren't perfect then they would be open to constructive criticism and maybe even take heed of much needed advice. This pet peeve goes hand in hand with the people who resist change because, guess what, they don't need to change. They expect things to change but they don't do anything to facilitate the change. That is insanity, people! If you keep doing the same thing over and over you will always get the same result.

Oh, here's another one (Shawn, you should be able to relate to this considering what you went through with GPM recently) - what about the control freaks / manipulators who act like you should be conforming to what they want? They tend to use guilt to make you do what they want you to do.

Okay, enough venting. I just got a text message from SP. She's in Puerto Rico. She'll be in Anguilla in a couple of hours. I am so jealous!

Stunner: Don't worry about them notes. Once you graduate and start working things'll be so much better. You'll spend your days poring over specs and writing requirement documents and isn't that just so much better? lol

I saved the best for last: See, Mocha Girl isn't the only one who can show off. I have a new cousin, Mia. Take a look. Feel free to leave comments on how beautiful she is!

My little man had a birthday last Friday. He's 3 years old now!

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I don't know who's holding out on me, if it's Mocha Girl or her brother, but somebody needs to give up some pictures of Mia.

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I'm anxiously awaiting a package from Brotha Buck. I know he'll be sending it just at the right time. :)

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I see Chele picked up the "mother and father-in-law" thing. It's not a thing really. My father-in-law was going to NY to help his daughter move to Tennessee. My mother hadn't been to NY since '69 so she just went for the ride.

It's a good thing I didn't go. My mother and I don't travel well together.

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"The Other Woman" - It was an okay read. I find myself wanting to read the classics more though. I enjoy them more. It's a combination of writing style and storyline. It's hard to find contemporary books that have both. So, TOW had a good enough storyline and an ok writing style but nothing that left an imprint on my mind. If you want an easy read, something to take your mind away, then it's good for that. Lately I feel like I'm wasting my time when I read books like that though. This weekend I finished "Going Broke" by Trista Russell. Not as good as TOW but I had to keep turning the pages til I got to the end.

Bright Lights, Big City

My mother is heading up to New York with my father-in-law. I wish I could go with them! If I had the money and the time I would go. I have so much family up there on my grandmother's side that I haven't met yet! The last time I went it was for a conference for work and I went alone. The time before that was with my first fiance (long story). I loved the hustle and bustle. The city is alive at every hour of the day. When I went alone I roamed the streets at night. I toured Macy's - it is awesome. I caught a Broadway show - Beauty and the Beast with Toni Braxton which was really, really good. I took in the various characters around me. I talked to strangers. It was a great experience. I used to claim the title of "City Girl" but I can't say that anymore. I don't have the energy or the impetus to be out and about unless it's for a specific reason, like when Mocha Girl comes to visit, of course. :)

Happy Valentine's and all that jazz

To all the people I love and appreciate, this Valentine's Day is for you! All of you out there who take time out of your day to peek in on my life, I do appreciate you.

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I spent the past two days laid up in bed, literally. I've had some sort of sinus infection. Not nice. I skipped work yesterday to get more much needed rest. I love Mondays off.

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With nothing better to do besides sleep, I read "The Other Woman" by Eric Jerome Dickey, that SP lent me. Now I'm waiting for her to get Chele's book. If she TOLD ME that she was going to order it I would have had her order one for me too. :p Ok, maybe she did and I forgot. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt.

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Today is the day my cousin's wife is being induced. Yup, they're having their love child on the love day. I can't wait to see pix. Mocha Girl, you gotta hook me up!!

The Naivete of a 15 Year Old

This one really grates on my nerves and I debated whether or not to blog about it due to its sensitive nature. But here it is, as vague and specific as I can make it while still trying to get my point across.

Background
I know a man who has a 15 year old son. From what I understand the parents have joint custody, however the son was made to live with the father (they were together until the son was about 4). The mother lives on the other side of the country. She was ordered to pay a minimal amount of child support, which she has paid maybe once in the past 11 years. The mother is a few years older than the father, putting her in her early 40s.

Ok,

1. I would fight tooth and nail to keep my son.


2. If I lost the case, there is no way I would move 1500 miles away from him.


3. If I had to move, I would maintain phone contact and see him every chance I got.

Present
This now 15 year old talks about his mom being his best friend next to God. That noone understands him like she does except maybe his dad's mom. He actually let his father know this. He calls her just about every weekend (thanks to free long distance on the cell phone). Since I've known him, I haven't known his mother to call on a consistent or even acceptable frequency level. But maybe that's just me. Maybe my expectations are too high. Anyway, I digress. It really irritates me to no end when I heard this child talk and make constant excuses for his dead-beat mom. She's not working and is living with her grandmother(?). Does he not see something wrong with that scenario. Does he not wonder why he's not living with her? Yes, he's a child. Selfish and simple-minded. He talks to his mother once a week and she's the "good, reasonable" parent, the one who understands him, the best thing since sliced bread. His father fought to keep him, is raising him on his own dime not asking her for anything, and is considered strict and "unfair." I have to bite my tongue when I hear him speak. I say what I want to extol the virtues of his father but I hold back all the things I would love to say about his mother. It's not my place. It wouldn't be right. He wouldn't understand anyway. I only hope that when he grows up he sees and understands.

Random Randomness

K went out and bought a couple of rat traps this evening. He's setting them up right now down in the kitchen. I don't even want to hear it snap but I hope I do cause that means something's caught. Last night K stuffed an old t-shirt in one of the holes we're sure they're coming through. Wouldn't you know they took the whole shirt down the hole!!

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This evening when I came home K and I flew a kite down our dead-end street. You should'a seen us! Two old fools runnings down the road trying to catch a breeze, in the dark, in 50 degree weather!

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I got a call from an old friend today. I was pleasantly surprised when I saw an email in my inbox from him yesterday. I hadn't spoken to him in about three years. We were just friends. He's cool people. Funny thing, him and my husband have basically the same initials - KAP (hubby has a couple more middle names).

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Brotha Buck, I sent you an email last week. Let me know if you got it.

Shawn, I've been trying to comment on your latest Tap post but the browser keeps crashing right at the point the comment dialog comes up. That happens quite often for me when I visit your site. Anyway, I was only going to say, "Wow, that's some serious stuff. If you loved dancing so much you shouldn't have stopped. But you did what you felt you had to to move on. I just don't like to see talents going to waste."

Unwanted Houseguest

No, not a mouse. It couldn't be that trivial at my house. It has to be something bigger. Something more complicated. Something more dangerous. A RAT. There is A RAT living in my house. How do I know? Because hubby saw it in the kitchen this morning! At first we thought there was a mouse getting in and eating our bananas (the first time we noticed this was friday morning). We plugged up what we thought was the hole. But, lo and behold, last night, UPSTAIRS, JUST OUTSIDE MY BEDROOM, by the a/c unit, there were wall shavings on the ground. That rat gnawed at the wood of the closet door and he gnawed the paint off the wall right down to what looks like metal. Needless to say, the exterminator must come today. We only have a three bedroom house and on weekends there are five of us who live there. We don't have room or food enough for anything else.

Lord, have mercy!

There's a reason why I don't like to be in charge - because I don't like working above people. I much prefer to work as a team player alongside my peers. I don't like having to tell people what to do. Why? Because 1) they don't do it right, which could easily be attributed to my not clearly articulating what it is I'm looking for; or 2) they don't do it at all because I don't keep the pressure on. I try, I really do try, to make myself clear. I'm not a woman of many words and I don't believe I should have to coddle an adult. I don't know how to beat around the bush - I either say something or I don't. I can't ease my way to my point. If I call you for a reason I'm getting right to the point and then I'm gone. I have enough relationships to maintain than to make everyone feel like I'm his or her friend. My bluntness doesn't make me good at dealing with dissension in the ranks either. And I don't like having to pull rank. I expect everyone as adults to work together and git 'r done. My logical mind can't handle the emotions and the egos. I just don't have the patience for it. I'd rather just be one of the worker bees and leave everything else to management.