This one can go in so many directions. Having a talk with a friend the other day and the topic of fathers came up. It's a touchy subject that it seems like no one really knows how to talk about for fear of offending or being misunderstood. I never really laid this out before, neither verbally nor written, and I'm 42. My friend was saying he thinks it would be nice to be able to form some sort of bond before the chance is gone, if at all possible. He wasn't speaking about my situation specifically, but more for someone else. My question to him was, "But why?" Yes, it would be fine, maybe even nice if it happened. But it hasn't. It just hasn't. Why should the children have to seek it out. I know - honor your mother and your father so that your days may be long upon the earth. I know - turn the other cheek; do not judge; be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other Tell me all the verses. I know them. But I still ask why. I should do my part. But...what is my part to do? How much is required of me. When am I allowed to stop trying or stop being open or stop seeking? On many occasions,the child asks herself, "Where is he?" A little older then the question becomes, "Doesn't he even care?" Older yet, "If he could see me now, I would show him just how well I did without him!" Then the child becomes an adult and asks, "Couldn't he have cared enough to get past himself and find me. I was never hard to find. My family has been in the same place for 25 years." Finally, as a mother herself she can't understand how a parent could stay away. I could never, ever willingly leave my children. I want them with me. I want to know everything about them, now and forever. That is me though. That is not everyone. Deep sigh right here. Many people over the years would ask me what's it's like not having a father around, don't I wish I did. Honestly, for good or bad, I didn't know what I was missing so my answer was always no. I can make excuses for just about anyone. I'm the advocate for the underdog. I can easily play the devil's advocate. Seeing both sides is not that difficult. I can see both. We are all flawed and do things we feel, know, believe are not right. Sometimes doing the right thing makes us too uneasy, so we don't. It's much more comfortable to continue along the path we've always known. I do the same. I can't judge. Live and let live.