Tuesday, January 23, 2007

I Wish I Could Take Credit For These

TEN THINGS TO PONDER FOR 2007

#10 Life is sexually transmitted.

#9 Good health is merely the slowest rate at which one can die.

#8 Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

#7 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

#6 Some people are like a slinky... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

#5 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital dying of nothing.

#4 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

#3 Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars, and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents???

#2 In the 60's, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER ONE THOUGHT FOR 2007: We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America , but we haven't a clue as to where thousands of
illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the
Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.

6 comments:

chele said...

That was too funny!

hungry and horny, indeed.

Miz JJ said...

Lol @ the mad cow disease. Department of Agriculture would start tagging all humans.

ms. complexity said...

I know it's wrong...but I laughed my head off at number 6. Is it REALLY wrong that I envisioned doing this to someone?

God help me. I should not be thinking such thoughts but I still giggled.

Shawn said...

that gave me a good laugh

princessdominique said...

I love #10.

Shai said...

Funny list. LOL. Things that make ya go, hmmm.