So Much To Say...So Unlike Me

TO DO

• Get toned by May 13 (I have a Pathfinder uniform to fit into, plus Memorial Day weekend is coming up which means our usual family / church trip to Orlando and Wet 'n Wild)


• Meet with the Communication Dept. to put together mission and vision statements


• Get better. My throat was killing me last night.

My list isn't long, I know. There's just so much I can't even remember what I'm supposed to have on it. Gotta start somewhere though.

Men, don't feel guilty about skipping this section on lip gloss. Women, I need some help here...
Kind of like how Princess Dominique in search of the perfect shoe, I'm in search of the perfect lip gloss. I've been looking for years the perfect subtle shade with sparkle and smoothness and non-stickiness. If I had a camera I'd take a pic of my lips with yet another one I bought. The latest one is Cover Girl's wet slick crystal in chocofix and smells really good - like chocolate. If you have any suggestions on what glosses work for you I'd love to read them. Btw, I just tried it and it's perfect! Thanks to my sister, T for putting me on to it. (She has candy.)

Despite how materialistic I'll sound I've got to tell you a few other things I'm in search of:

• the perfect pair of sunglasses - K and I went to Germany two years ago and bought three pairs of sunglasses at one time! Yes, I have an affinity for nice sunglasses. My favorites right now are my DKNY's. I had some 'superstar' sunglasses once but the screw fell out. When I say 'superstar' I think of a woman driving in a red convertible with a head scarf and big sunglasses. Ahh, that will be me...except I'll be on a motorcycle minus the head scarf but wearing the perfect lip gloss. Anyway, back to reality, my superstar sunglasses had big, but not too big, blue lenses. My husband won't let me get sunglasses if the lenses are too big. Don't know why he doesn't like them as much I do.


• the perfect watch - There was a Movado Macy's special on sale two Christmases ago. With the discount it came up to $1200. I wanted it badly. K said no. What I wear right now: a "gold-faced" Disney Mickey Mouse watch with brown leather band that I got during a gift exchange at work last Christmas. You may laugh, but that watch is one of my favorites.


• the perfect car - There is none other like a BMW, the ultimate driving machine. I had a 740i once. It's time for me to have another one. Again, K says no. What is up with him?? I would settle for an Audi A6 if I had to.


• the perfect hair products - Something to stop my hair from drying and breaking, but not make it heavy and sticky.


• the perfect manicure - If I had perfect fingers and nails this would easy. I don't have time and money to spend getting my nails done professionally.


• the perfect massage - Ok, any massage will do. K says I can pay someone if I want, but he hasn't anted up the money. At least he said yes.

Oh, how could I forget to tell you that I bought my first hat! I absolutely love it. I call it my superstar hat. It's wide-rimmed, red, and you can see through it. I really need a digital camera! I imagine now I need an outfit to go with the hat. I can't wear the hat by itself! (he he)

Where Was MY Kid?

Today was bring your child to work day. I didn't know until I got to work though. Our company didn't send out an email about it so I guess that was their way of not encouraging us bringing in all our bebe's kids. When we realized a couple of my co-workers went and got their kids. They stayed for probably two hours. It was fun for them. They mainly drew on the white board and papers that one little girl brought in. Two of them even drew some pictures for me (and others, but most importantly me). One little girl drew a picture of me and Sidney. Her brother drew a picture of 'my' house. That reminded me of something not-so-nice that I did a while back...

I couldn't have been more than five or six years old on this particular occasion when my mom took me to work with her. She was a secretary for a provincial government in Canada. She had her own desk as did most others, but there also a few high-walled cubes. After she took me around to some of her co-wokers she put me in a cube near her and let me be for a while. Me, being the genius that I am thought it would be fun if I wrote 'anonymous' notes to her co-workers. Like, who wouldn't recognize the writing of a six year old. Anwho. I wrote four notes. Two contained compliments. The other two did not. Before my mother got me for lunch I went around and put the notes on the appropriate desks. One compliment was for my mother and the other for one of her friends. The other two notes were meant for two co-workers who I did not find particularly attractive. Well, you know what happened, don't you? Take a wild guess. If you said the notes got mixed up, you are correct and you win a blender! Needless to say, my mother wasn't happy and neither was her friend. On a good note, the other two ladies loved me and thought I was the sweetest.

What a bad kid I was!

An Effort

Yes, in an effort to post, I'm typing furiously til my husband is ready for bed. Ok, so I'm not typing so furiously, but I'm trying. I don't have much to talk about tonight. Eh, that's probably not true. I'm sure I could find a thousand topics. My problem is, and has always been, choosing one thing. Back in high school, during lunch, purfiktgurl and I would sometimes visit the local corner store looking for a chocolate fix. (For those of you who read purfiktgurl, you'll realize her addiction for chocolate has just always been.) Anyway, every time, without fail, I would stand in front of the candy counter trying to decide what to buy. She would have already paid for her stuff and I would still be standing there, our lunchtime quickly ticking away. At the last minute I would grab something, (pay for it, of course) and run out. What was my point again? Oh yeah, I've never been the decisive type. I've always either made a last minute spontaneous decision or I relied on my tried and true friends. Thankfully I've also never been a crowd follower or eager for popularity.

Times have changed and I've matured (hopefully). Now I have no choice but to think ahead (at least for my son's sake) and make informed, logical decisions. Guess that makes me an adult now??

NOW I know what happened!!

I had my husband take the seduction test and he's "The Natural." So, that's how I ended up married with three kids!!

K's Seduction Style: The Natural

He doesn't really try to seduce people... it just seems to happen. Fun loving and free spirited, he brings out the inner child in people. He is spontaneous, sincere, and unpretentious - a hard combo to find! People drop their guard around him, and find themselves falling fast.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

Me Having To Drive

Mom In The Car

My Sister Tonya (the one on the right) and Her Best Friend, Chanel

Apparently...

Your Seduction Style: The Charmer

You're a master at intimate conversation and verbal enticement. You seduce with words, by getting people to open up to you. By establishing this deep connection quickly, people feel under your power. And then you've got them exactly where you want them!

Note: How could that be? Maybe I answered the questions incorrectly??

What Is Your Seduction Style?

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You all know I'm out here in the middle of Nowhereville, GA. It's been a long day. We left at 7:30 AM, got in by 3 pm and, yes, I'm still up. I can't wait to crawl into my bed - at my own house tomorrow night. I spoke to Sidney. I miss the little bugger.

We must have seen five houses, and three of them twice. My mother did sign a contract for one. We'll see if it gets accepted. The house is really cute - three bedroom, two bathroom in a nice neighborhood. Makes me want to move even more!

I'm jackin' devast's Unrelated thought for the day: It's cool being 30-almost-31 and having a young buck, 20-something year old, hit on you.

This Weekend

So, I'm going to Albany, GA with my mother this weekend. Apparently, she looking into buying a place up there. Why Albany, GA, the middle of nowhere, you ask? Because that's where my sister is going to school. Hopefully she'll be graduating this December. But, in the meantime, if my mom gets a place, then my sister and her roommate can move in and pay rent there instead. What does that mean for me? It means I'll be up at the crack of dawn Sunday morning. It means I'll be on the road for seven hours. It means I'll be sleeping alone Sunday night. What else? Oh yeah, it means I'll be back on the road Monday morning. And to make matters worse, my mother also wants me to help her DRIVE to Canada NEXT WEEK! If we weren't so busy at work I wouldn't have much to think about. But, man, I have stuff to do and we're already behind. I don't know. I don't need the guilt trip either for not going. Can you tell I'm cranky today?

Moving

A good friend of mine has been talking about leaving S. FL. He's thinking about Orlando or Jacksonville. The cost of living is too high down here. Imagine, if I sell my house I wouldn't be able to buy another - property taxes would kill us for one thing. Since he said it I've been thinking about it too. I know we're not going anywhere. I can't ask my husband to move four hours away from his daughter. She's only 10 and she really needs him.

It's not like Orlando is unfamiliar. We go there at least once a year and we know a lot of people up there (plus, I would anticipate making many more *wink*). I don't know *sigh*.

K got some kind of flat tire this evening on his way to pick up Sid. I almost got one too. The tread peeled off of the inside of one of my tires so I heard a flapping all the way home. Needless to say, I turned on my emergency flashing lights and set the cruise control to 30 mph.

Not much else going on worthy of blogging. Well, that's not entirely true. Maybe I should say not much else going on that's appropriate for blogging. Not to worry, I'm not implying family problems.

Tiff gave me some really good ideas for promoting my new business venture. I haven't had the time to re-read her suggestions but I will. The Body Shop At Home is very particular about how consultants market themselves.

Work is going. Not hectic in the same sense as Jinny's, but they're still managing to keep me busy. (Remember to breathe, Jinny, and take relax (and blog *smile*) when you get home.)

Congratulations to Don's daughter on getting her first college acceptance letter!

Can't think of anything else right now. I have to work on this DVD creation thing we're working on for our church.

Later.

It Went

Well, it came, we did, and it went. That's pretty much the whole thing in a nutshell. K agreed to bbq and I got potato salad, macaroni salad, juice, soda. I set out my demo kit on the dining room table, sort of how it looked in "The Setup" picture. Out of about 25 invitees and maybe 14 replies, I expected 11 to show up, but 8 did. It was ok. We soaked our feet and my girlfriend helped to remind of things to do. She was the only one who ended up buying stuff. My mother is supposed to have her Girls' Nite Out soon. That was the real purpose: to get my girlfriends to have pampering parties at their houses. Anyway, we talked and ate and tried stuff. Wasn't as whiz-bang as I hoped. I'll have to try again... *sigh*

I know you're all wishing the best for me. Thanks.

Some Other Shoes

Me after today's event.

The Crew: Sidney, Liam, Najah.

The setup

Tonight's the Night!

Well, with all the words of encouragement, how can it not go well? I've put a twist on the whole thing - it's now a barbecue business launch. K agreed to work his magic on the grill. There will be at least 12 adults and 8 kids, not including me, K, Jr & Sid. Plus, others said they would try to stop by at different times. (Tiff, I'm calling my mom right now to get her to bring her camera.)

Purfiktgurl hit another interesting topic: if your significant other cheated on you at some point in your relationship, would you want to know?

My first answer: I DON'T WANT TO KNOW.
My second answer: I WANT TO KNOW.

I know you're all confused by now, but let me explain.

I don't want to know if:
* there are no after-effects, i.e. no pregnancy, no disease, no fatal attraction

I do want to know if:
* there are after-effects AND / OR
* my knowing will help you stop yourself from doing it again

Don't tell my husband this. I don't want him to think I'm giving him a license to act free.

The reality is, none of us are perfect. And in the end, it'll all be between the person and God. "Vengence is mine, sayeth the Lord." Whatever happens to me in this life, I'll get over it. I know, easier said than done. I'm not trivializing the hurt feelings I would have. We are ALL going to make mistakes and do things that hurt the people we love. We shouldn't, but we do. And the people we love will hurt us too - sometimes unintentionally, sometimes intentionally. Now, even saying that, I am NOT saying we should act like we're going to make mistakes and not strive to do our best in all things. Always aim for perfection in honesty, integrity, faithfulness, etc. "Aim for the stars, you might hit the moon."

Confusing enough for you?

I'm Here, I'm Here

I'll admit, I've been quiet for a while but you all are never far from my thoughts. (Well, never say never, but you know what I mean.)

For those of you who missed it, Sid can spell!

My official business launch is being planned for this Sunday afternoon. As usual, being the procrastinator that I am, I only really started inviting people this morning. Maybe it's my fear of failure, because if it doesn't work out then I'll have an excuse to fall back on. Maybe it's my fear of success, because if it goes well then I'll *have* to do the next step which is have GNOs. And what if those go well also? Then I'll really be in a bind cause I'll be *forced* to do more GNOs. And heaven forbid someone wants to sign-up to be a consultant. Then I'll have to be responsible *gasp*.

I appreciate the luv from all of you who commented on my other post. I had never even told anyone about it before, except a few people who directly interacted with me.

(Btw, the tickle test is free and they give you your results right away. What they do charge you for is an "in-depth analysis.")

Tickle My I.Q.

When I logged in to Tickle I found that I had already taken the I.Q. test back in 2003. My score was something like 127. I retook the test anyway and this time scored a 135 - Insightful Linguist. What on earth?! Me? I guess I have actually derived some benefit from all the reading I've done.

Update: Super I.Q. Score = 131 (Creative Theorist)

The Story Behind The Gym

When I close my eyes I can see the emergency room from the vantage point of my seat against the wall. It should have been a normal Friday night at home but I was there in the wee hours of the morning. I tried to sleep on my husband's lap but it wasn't comfortable. Interesting characters were coming into the ER keeping my attention. In particular, the woman who could barely move because of her dislocated shoulder courtesy of her boyfriend. I realized my situation wasn't half as bad as others. But I was still in bad shape and slowly getting worse as I waited and waited for them to call me in. The nurse told me that if I really began to feel lightheaded I should have the receptionist call her. So I waited a couple more hours. Eventually I couldn't take it anymore. I could hardly stand or think. I just wanted to be resting, lying down in a bed, being taken care of. I spoke to the receptionist. As I sat at the front desk, bent over the counter, I didn't see the nurse come up behind me with a wheelchair. But I was grateful. She found me a bed in room with two others, separated by hanging curtains. I was in a corner spot. I spent a while waiting in there while K waited outside. A nurse came and gave me some clothes to change in to plus I had to use the bathroom. I made it there, but I didn't make it back. I didn't have the energy. I just crouched outside the bathroom waiting to get the attention of another nurse, any nurse. One saw me and helped me back to my bed. While laying there I could hear the agony that others were going through and I prayed for them. Again I thanked God that my ordeal was not worse. The doctor came and checked me and cleaned me out a bit. No D&C looked necessary but I had to have an ultrasound to make sure. I was then taken to another room. A small room only large enough to hold one bed. There they filled me with saline and checked me more thoroughly. K was eventually let in to see me, after having waited so many long hours not knowing what was going on with me. He was worried and tired and hungry. I was too. They made me stay in that room for quite a bit longer. I was hooked up to machines. They were monitoring especially my blood pressure. I had lost a lot. Various staff came in and checked on me during the morning. I cried. Cause I knew it was my fault. The nurse saw me and told me it wasn't. That these things happen. That it wouldn't affect my body once it got over the shock. But I still knew it was me. I still know it was me. I went to the gym that week. I thought it was all good. I figured it would help me with my period I just knew was coming. I spent most of Valentine's Day in the hospital. It was a Sabbath day that should have been spent with my church family and watching my husband sing on the choir; a day I should have been able to go out with my husband; a day that led to a week of not being able to be intimate. It was a long day. I blocked it out mostly. I think about it every now and then. A lost life. My lost child. And it could have been prevented. I know. It could have been. It's been over a year since I've been to the gym, afraid of causing it again. I brought workout clothes with me today with the intention of starting back today. (I was actually going to start yesterday, but I forgot to bring my clothes.) My stomach was tight as I wrote this. I thought I might cry again. But I didn't. At least, not on the outside.

I'm So Excited

I think I'm really going to like this TBSAH (The Body Shop At Home) business. A girlfriend of mine came over yesterday evening to help me "unwrap" my "presents." Of course, Sidney was all up in the mix! "Lotion!" "Lotion!" "Brush!" Yeah, it was cute.

Anyway, I have lotions, and sprays, and foot care things, and face stuff, and ..., everything smells SO good! And there's so much to read so I can be well-informed about the product uses and ingredients. And marketing too. I have to learn how to market myself.

You know you can order through me and help a sister out, right? :)

Relaxed

FINALLY. I few moments to myself. Well, almost. Sid is in his crib but he's far from sleeping.

I know I said that I haven't been to the gym in over a year. And some of you (TcoughIFcoughFAahemNY, not to mention any names) are under the wrong impression that I don't realy need to frequent such establishment. That couldn't be further from the truth, of course. I have issues with my body like most women, of course. After bearing one child, I have a belly, but I can't blame that on the kid. After Sid was born I had flabby skin but other than that, my belly sucked right back in. NOW I have fat. And people have noticed. My PASTOR even made a couple of comments. Granted, I needed to gain some weight and fill out. I'm not complaining about my size. What I'm really trying to say in all this rambling is that I have no muscle tone. Zero. Zilch. Nada. My husband just laughs when I try to show him my biceps. I'm just a shadow of my former self.

K and I used to go to the gym regularly - before the kid. We wanted to win the Body For Life Fitness Challenge. We took pictures. We got out body fat measured. I had a little workout book to keep track of my progress. Yes, it was all going well. Then we went to Europe (I went for my job but the trip coincided with our anniversary so we took advantage of it). When we got back in July we found out that I was a couple months pregnant. That meant I had to ease up on my workout at the gym. But I still tried to stay in shape. I improved my diet and walked often. I even went for a walk during what I later found out were my contractions. I think that contributed to my relatively easy labor (more detailed info here).

I want to get back into the groove but I can't seem to figure out how. There's a gym at my job. That should be perfect. But it's not. I don't get in early enough. And in the evenings I always have to rush out. K signed up with a gym down the street, but I don't see why I should have to pay when I can go for free. My dream is to move to a really big house and put my own gym in it. Elliptic machine, free weights, tread mill. At least!

* I forgot to mention, I always (subconsciously) walk around with my belly sucked in. That makes the flab less obvious. And can I remind everyone just how much I LOVE MY NEW SHOES!!

There's another story I have that I know I will tell eventually. Not yet. I've been composing my thoughts on this one for a very long time. Not sure how to tell it though.

Some Blog Shouts

Thanks:
For all the well-wishes.
For the compliments on the outfit and the kid.
My french braids did indeed result in my "braid-out." Thanks for noticing, Tiffany. Oh, I'm trying for another kid. My husband doesn't want to help me with this endeavor, but he doesn't have much choice. :)

Congrats to Jinny on landing that job!!

I am SO glad to see that Lawda has untightened her jaws .

I think purfiktgurl needs some encouragement. Purfiktgurl!! Where are you??

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I haven't been to the gym in over a year.

Ordination

Yesterday is behind me (us) now. It was a nice day. A long day. K was ordained as a Deacon and I got to wear my NEW outfit (see previous post).

The first time I saw K at church I thought, "He's kinda cute." He went and sat a couple of rows ahead of me and as he passed our eyes locked and it was like I was in a trance, seeing nothing but him, hearing nothing but the birds chirping as he moved in slow motion, jacket flowing behind him. Well, not quite. He actually didn't notice me at all. That's when I thought, "Ehh, he wouldn't be interested in me anyway." (How's that for self-confidence?) It wasn't til a few years later, after seeing him around church very infrequently, that he approached me with the line, "What kind of mileage do you get in your car?" That threw me cause then I wasn't sure if it really was a line or if he just liked my BMW. Turns out he liked me. *Yay*

Here we are, almost four years later, with the sweetest little by-product of our union, and we're still happy, looking forward to many, many more years together.

I wish everyone could have what I have (or better).

Me and My NEW White Suit

Me & My Deacon Husband

My NEW White Shoes!

French Braids and Other Things

It's been about two years since i've donned this hairstyle. Today I have four french braids. It didn't take as long as I thought to do it (I did it myself) but I felt somewhat out my element, like I was doing it wrong. It turned out alright, I suppose. See now, if I had a digital camera I would take a picture and upload it for ya.

I spoke to K about trying the consulting thing. Just as I would expect his initial reaction was to look at me like I had a tree growing from my neck. I think I did convince him that I could do it so he told me to go ahead and give it a try. Sooo, I signed up this evening!

I got some white shoes to go with my white suit. I wish you could see it. The only problem is (was) that it has (had) a few makeup marks on it, like foundation, or powder. Well, I bought it anyway hoping to find that same suit at another store and exchange it. That didn't happen. Last night we drove from Broward to Palm Beach to Miami and back to Broward again (about 100 miles worth of driving). No luck. This morning I called in late to work and we headed back down to Miami. Still no luck. I did ask some salesladies for advice on getting out the stains myself (I know, I should have asked you all first before wasting my time and gas). One lady said to use face soap and a blow dryer. Another said hairspray. The last one said non-chlorine bleach and some ice wrapped in a rag. The third one turned out to be a charm! I'm quite pleased. I'm reclining here now soaking my feet and waiting to wash this mask off my face. Then I can grab some pizza from the kitchen and hop into bed. I am SO ready for bed.

The Body Shop

I've really been thinking about becoming a consultant for The Body Shop. It's something I could do parttime. I really, really love the products. I've attended a GNO (Girls Nite Out) and I've hosted one at my house. I think I could do what the consultant does...even though I'm shy. This could help me overcome my shyness too, maybe. And I like what the company stands for.

Hosting is fun because the host(ess) gets free gifts proportionate to how much money is spent. Of course, the consultant is the one who actually does the demos and gets the money. For $200 in sales, the consultant makes $50. The lady who did my GNO said she loves the flexibility and that's the only job she has and she makes enough. A GNO lasts about 1.5 - 2 hours. I'm just looking for side money right now - anything to supplement our income. The initial investment is $250. That includes lots of products to use in the demos.

Hmm.

A Typical Weekend

I'm used to Saturday's being busy so I wasn't surprised that this weekend wasn't any different. Saturday morning, I was in charge of giving out 400+ lesson quarterlies. It went smoother than I expected. Right after Sabbath School we rushed out to another church only to make it just in time. I was only going because my girlfriend's baby was being blessed. As we walked in the parents and kids were just going up on stage, but my girlfriend was nowhere to be found. It turns out they (her, her husband, her baby) were still on the way. So, we waited. And waited. They eventually turned up and baby Kaylah made her grand entrance clutched in the arms of an 'embarassed' daddy.

Now, this church is not known for late endings, but someone had it in for us that day. The sermon didn't end til about 1:15 pm. That means that with all the hubbub going on surrounding the baby and the lunch plans and everyone wanting to congratulate the parents, we didn't get to the lunch spot (at the park) until 2:30 pm...and we were the second set of guests to find the pavillion. The food wasn't ready until 4:300. Yes, you read correctly. It's a good thing the proud daddy walked with some snacks otherwise we would have had to leave on Sidney's account.

I didn't mention we had a 5 pm meeting back at our home church, did I? Well, we did. And we were fifteen minutes late. And we were reprimanded (I hate when that happens). The meeting itself was short but we still didn't get home til after 8 pm. Of course, church was far from over but we had to go.

Apparently, I attended a blog party Saturday night, but I don't have much recollection of it. I must have had a good time. Thanks to Diggs for throwing the birthday bash and inviting me.

Sunday morning I was up bright and early - 7:15 am. I had promised the Pastor's wife I would print some Bible quotes for display at her Prayer Breakfast scheduled to begin at 8:15 am. 10 am they let us eat and I just about RAN home and back into bed.

Should I mention I was back at church for a nominating committe meeting at 8:45 pm? Nah. Fortunately, the meeting was cancelled due to a lack of a quorum

Now I'm here with nothing blogworthy to write, but writing anyway.

Jinny, good luck on your interview tomorrow!

Good Friday

I decided to take the day off to "be with my fambly." Most other people have the day off but our company doesn't give it to us. So it's logged as a vacation day. Anyway, I had all these grandiose plans of revamping my bedroom. What did I do? Nada. Zero. Zip. Zilch. I feel pretty unaccomplished, but I did get a good rest. AND I got a really nice white suit. K will be ordained next Sabbath as a Deacon at our church and I have to wear all white. The thing is, we thought it was happening tomorrow at 5 pm we're running to the mall to try to find me a white outfit. K's mother let me try on the one she wore when her husband was being ordained, but it was a little on the too-big side for me.

Purfiktgurl will be visiting me soon. Yay!

Blogroll, etc.

I've added a few read-worthy blogs to my blogroll (see sidebar).

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Soo, I have to be more assertive. That's what 'they' say. I have to learn to look for opporutnities to take advantage of, open doors to walk through. Being assertive is so unlike me. I know, it stems from a general lack of confidence in my abilities. I always said I could sell BMWs though. I can assert myself if I'm doing something I really believe in. I'm going off track. That's another issue. refocusing I can start anything but if it doesn't keep my interest I fizzle out. What to do at work? Find a niche. Do something new. Do anything.

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Been in a melancholy mood lately. Too much stress in my life. At least I got my cost of living increase.

It's Time

Now is the best time to make a change. Insanity is constantly doing one thing but expecting different results each time. My life has been rolling along at this 'comfortable' pace for long enough.

1. I have a friend who wants to write a book. I want to write a book too. Maybe a novel. Maybe a non-fiction introspection type of book. Maybe poetry. I'll either need a small notebook for jottings or a handheld tape recorder. If only I had a topic...There's nothing I can say I really know about. Hmm. Suggestions?


2. If I really want to get Sid into modelling, I'll have to send out more pictures to various talent agencies.


3. My room MUST be reorganized, cleared out, cleaned, whatever. Something has to be done. It is such a disaster area. The rest of the house can't be done til my sleeping space is complete.


4. I need to work on ad copy for our supplement store website PLUS I want to redesign the main page. This will take a few hours out of my life, but it needs to be done asap.


5. I need to invest in my own digital camera. Bogarting my mom's camera is not working. I want to be able to have an online garage sale on ebay. There's got to be someone who'll buy my junk, I mean stuff.


6. My departmental report is due this weekend.


7. Think positive thoughts!

Somewhere along the line my "things I need to change" list merged with a "todo" list. I'll have to modify / append to it later.

Blogger Identity Crisis

Something is going around and I'm trying not to get it. I'm fighting it with all my might. But it seems that some of us are having a blogger identity crisis. There are a few reasons why I started blogging:

Call me a crowd follower, but it was a new thing for me. I'm a self-professed wanna-be nerd, so even though I knew I was jumping in after the wave, I still wanted to get a piece of the action.

I thought it would be cool to have my own personal soapbox, a place in the world for my voice. I could write whatever I want. This part however proved to be difficult. I didn't want to put myself out there in case people I know read what I wrote. Then they might know too much...I still believe that anything that you wouldn't want to come back to you at an inconvenient time should not be written down.

I figured I could write to my friend, Purfiktgurl. Email was fine for its purpose, more direct. In my blog I could talk to her indirectly. Email would be saved for private explanations.

...That was then.

This is now...

Those reasons still exist but in addition I have increasing desire to write for the people; to nurture a blog family. Not necessarily writing what they want to read, but to at least make sure that what I do write is considered read-worthy. This is what I'm really fighting. I want this place to remain my little space for my little voice to say whatever.

Sooo...I'm going to keep it random.

Whatever I feel to write, I'll write. If I have a message to send, I'll send it. If I have information to share, I'll share it.

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About to start reading "Emma", on loan from a co-worker to whom I lent "Crime and Punishment." It'll be a long read (over 400 pages) but I'm determined to get through it.

Loves Lost

I think the title speaks for itself...

In high school I saw this guy visiting a girlfriend of mine and I immediately had a crush on him. He was tall and slim and white. (Toronto is an extremely cosmopolitan city. Mixed couples of varying races is almost the norm.) He had the bad boy look. He was not the GQ type. He was rough around the edges. Believe me when I say he had every color Kangol cap you can think of! My best friend and I would follow him around the mall sometimes. He would so know that we were following him! Yes, I was a stalker. Nothing ever came of that 'relationship'. Can't quite figure out why not.

Ahh, my second boyfriend, Steve, now he had potential. I was still in my rude boy phase and he definitely fit that category. He wore baggy clothes (ok, he was skinny so everything looked baggy on him). He was tall and had beautiful dark smooth skin. He was so sweet to me. My mother would never have approved our relationship. He was a hustler. Not academically-inclined. Very independent. I would have loved him if he ever grew up.

My mother moved to Florida before my last year in high school. I stayed with my grandparents. One week when I visited her I happened to go roller-skating with a group of kids from a church she was attending. That's where I met H. I was young, he was only a bit older. I skated and eyed him the whole night. Finally, he skated over and asked me, "Are you lookin at me, or am I lookin at you?" I was dumbfounded that he even noticed me. We skated together holding hands during the last song. My hands never sweat so much in my entire life! I'm not one for long-distance relationships but I tried to keep this one open when I went back to Toronto. We called each other quite often (probably too often for my grandparents' liking since they paid the bill). I was hoping he would be there when I moved down the following year, but he left to go to school in Alabama. That was that. He fell in love with someone else. He was my first love lost.

My first year of college I met a guy I thought was very nice. On a whole, I suppose he was. He lived on campus. I didn't. We attended the same church. We had a couple of classes together. I was really feeling this guy. My mom (as usual) didn't too like him. Didn't matter. Apparently his mother didn't like me either, I later found out. Anyway, he acted like he liked me, but it took me two weekends to find out he had a girlfriend at our church.

Another friendship that that began in my freshman year of college had the potential to be my second lost love. Let's just say, he had a vice he wasn't willing to give up for 'us' so 'we' became 'he'.

I was engaged once...for over a year. Here's a tip: If you're engaged over a year, I'll bet the farm you don't really want to be with the person you've chosen. Get out before you waste more (of both of your) time. Not sure what I was thinking with this one. Everyone knew he wasn't for me (including me and, of course, my mother). According to my mother, we were always fighting. I wasn't in love with him either, but he was (is) a really good person. Not a love lost, but we learned a lot from each other. I credit myself with making him a better man for his current wife.

I've potentially had at least one other lost love. But it was one of those deals where you're young and you have a large circle of friends. You kinda like one but someone else works hard to get your attention and you give it, only to find out later (at the wrong time) that you're first interest really was diggin you too (and still is). Not a nice situation to be in.

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Just finished reading Tom Sawyer Abroad. Very easy reading. Waste of time? Not exactly, but far from the best book I've read. What's next...? Hmm, let you know later.

I went to a wedding yesterday...

And this is the dress I wore. The attire was supposed to be semi-casual, but how can you go to a wedding dressed semi-casually when the bride is all decked out? Of course, I wasn't the only woman to deviate from the mandate.



It was a nice wedding. The ceremony was held at a country club, at 5 pm in the evening. I was glad I brought my sunglasses cause that sun was bright and shining directly in my eyes. So we get to the spot and of course we have to first find our meal cards then sign...the book. You know, the dreaded guestbook where you have to write something nice and inspirational and considerate? Yeah, that one. I wrote something about the big day and wishing them the best, blah, blah, blah. We were then lead to a patio. There our guide showed us a ribbon and told us to follow it to the stairs leading down to the pool. What? Follow a ribbon? Fortunately it wasn't far. From there it did get better. There were golf carts waiting to take us to our seats. Yes, the bride showed up in a golf cart too. The hardest part about it was trying to stand on soft ground that thought my heels were tees, so they kept sinking in and coming out muddy. The ceremony itself was short and sweet. We returned to the pool for appetizers: lamb, spinach pastries, and chicken pastries. By then it was getting cool so we went inside before the festivities began. The food selection included snapper, filet mignon, and a vegetarian dish. I had the fish. Eh, it was ok. Fish, rice, and asparagus.

A note about our table: man, it took some time before they warmed up. For a while there K and I were kind of despondent cause our table was the deadest. K, with his love for conversation, got the others to loosen up. The table company turned out to be fun enough. I ran into a mutual friend of mine and the bride's. Her and her mother really helped to liven things up.

By 10 pm were ready to go. We still had two kids to pick up before heading home, and we were yawning all the way. It's tough when you're not used to going out, but it was still a nice kid-less evening out. And that, in itself, was cause for celebration.

Pampering Revisited

I'm still trying to get my husband to let me pamper myself. What better way to appreciate myself and extend my life than to treat my body good. But how?

Number 1 on my list would have to be the classic massage. Nothing compares to laying down in a dark warm room, with or without music, your eyes closed and feeling the magic of the hands. My husband should be the one, but if he won't then...I'll fork out the dollars for it.

Laying on the beach is definitely up there on the list. The great thing is that it's FREE. But the timing has to be just right. Get there at noon and it's all over. The noon sun will burn you up. Get there at midnight and the water is black and uninviting but the moon reflections make for an amazingly romantic setting. 9 or 10 am is perfect for enjoying the beach itself.

I can't leave out getting my hair done. During storytime in elementary school there were a couple of girls who used to like playing in my hair. That used to relax me so much. I felt like I just let everything go and my mind was at rest. Sitting in a salon for four hours is nothing close to relaxing, except for the part where my hair is getting washed. That almost brings me back to my first-grade years.

I thought about adding manicures & pedicures, but they don't do it for me like the other things I listed. Don't get me wrong, I like to have / see good-looking nails, and getting them done is alright, but they don't bring my mind to the same level of relaxation.

This last one doesn't count as a method of pampering, but watching someone draw...man, that puts me in another world. I had a friend in one of my high school english classes who would sometimes turn around and draw a picture in my notebook. Mary. I remember staring and staring and watching as each stroke gave me more and more insight into the final picture. I used to hate it when she was done or when class was over.

Over the years...

I was flat-ironing my hair last night (yes, I do that every once in a while when I can't deal with the curls) and I noticed some grays. Those thing break my heart every time. I used to have one that I would pull out routinely. But they seem to have multiplied since having my son. So, I got to thinking about all the hair phases I've been through (staring off into space)...

My grandmother was Indian. Not American Indian, but from India Indian. I suppose her own mother used to braid her hair because that's what she always wanted to do to me.
She would part my hair down the middle and braid each side and try to make them hang down over the front of my shoulders.

I started brushing my own hair when I was about eight years old, I suppose. I thought I was doing an alright job. To help with the tangles I used Sta-Sof-Fro (you know what I'm talkin about, don't act like you don't). I used it pretty much daily. And for the most part it worked. But sometimes that brush still didn't make it all the way through. When that happened I would pull my hair back into a ponytail (at the nape of my neck) and off to school I went. That went on for about a week til my mother found out. She took my hair in hand but try as she might she couldn't get the knot out. The bad thing was, the knot was close to my head, like two inches away. You know what that meant. She had to cut it out and I ended up with my first afro! I had good friends though. They never laughed in front of me.

By the time high school rolled around my hair had grown back and I had once again resorted to the ponytail, minus the knot which gratefully never came back. My own personal twist that I added was the ponytail itself was not allowed to flow freely (not that it could anyway). I had various colors of strechy hair clips wrapped around the hair almost all the way to the bottom, so it looked like a stick. I can laugh about this now.

I can also laugh about the days of the banana clips. Remember the original cheap plastic banana clips? I tried those too but I could never get one to look quite right on my head.

Like most other black girls I gave in to the temptation to try for the 'manageable' permed hair. It turned out to not be the answer to my prayers because that stuff never worked well in my hair plus I wasn't taught how to keep it up. The ends would always split and I would end up looking like my hand was stuck to a static machine. I put in a good effort with this style. For years I permed my hair. It allowed me to have my hair out and 'flowing' or up in a french twist or even a real ponytail.

Where I'm at now is my "au natural" phase. I let all that perm grow out. Yes, I did invest in a ceramic oven and flat iron. Yes, I have a hair dryer that I sit under every once in a while. Sometimes I just twist my hair. I try to convince my husband to send me to the hair dresser once a week. That hasn't happpened but I'm not sure why. Anyway, as I did last night, sometimes I press my hair. All it does it give me some temporary flexibility with styles. What I'm really searching for is that perfect hair product to make my hair feel soft and silky. By RBG's recommendation I may try some Carol's Daughter Hair Butter or Hair Milk. Any other suggestions?

Ahh, Memories

I've done some pretty stupid stuff in my lifetime. Take a read and see if you're amused, or at least if you can relate...

Back in Toronto, I used to make a point of riding my bike every day. The day in question was no different. I left the house and started off on my route. I was less than a block away when I saw this pretty good-looking guy walking towards me. I was still on the sidewalk slowly working my way towards a side-street and there was a sign post coming up on my left side. The guy was on my right. From the moment I saw him I couldn't take my eyes away. You know what happened next. Just as he passed me I realized what I was doing but as I came to myself, so was the post. I didn't hit it, but me and bike were doing some funky maneuvers to keep out of it's way. He probably heard the commotion of squeaky metal and brakes and feet hitting the ground. The Moral: Watch where you're going when you're riding a bike.

Another bike tale
I had a boyfriend who worked at a fast-food restaurant in downtown Toronto. When I knew he was working I would sometimes ride the 40 mins it took to get from my grandparents' house to his job. His boss loved me and everybody knew me so I would get special treatment. This day was no different. I left with a paper bag full of fries and a drink. (The 40-min ride and paper bag are important here.) If you've been to Toronto you'll know that streetcars are used a lot downtown. That means there are tracks criss-crossing in every direction. So, imagine, I'm riding, on my 10-speed, with a sweating drink in a paper bag in my left hand, the light in front of me about to turn red and I don't want to stop. Overcoming inertia to get going again is my motivation for making sure I get through the green. As I'm crossing six lanes of traffic I'm also crossing at least eight streetcar tracks when my soaked paper bag finally gives way and all my food drops out the bottom in the middle of the road. The Moral: Don't be greedy trying to take food to go when you don't have to.

My first year of college I didn't yet have my license so I had to take a bus, then a train, then another bus to get to school. I met some interesting people while going that route - a guy named Evlyn, my friend Jose, and the driver of the second bus to name a few. Leaving school about the same time each day I would usually get the same bus driver, and I since I have this thing about sitting at the front of the bus so as not to miss my stop, that's where I always say. The driver would talk to me and generally I would just smile and nod. He thought I was a mute for the longest time, that's what he told me later. Eventually I opened up and before he knew it we were talking like old buddies. We talked about all kinds of junk but what interested me most was his motorcycle. How could I refuse when he offered to ride to campus to take me for joyrides? (Mom, if you're reading this, don't kill me.) That had to be one of the dumbest things I could have done. A young girl (18) leaving campus, not telling anyone where she was going or who she was going with (he was about 28/29 at the time). Well, we went riding many times. Thinking back I'm like, "What was I thinking??" He could have been a killer, a rapist, a stalker. And little young trusting me with zero world experience would have been a perfect target. Fortunately, he turned out to be a very good friend who I still keep in contact with. As a matter of fact, he came by my house about a month ago to finally meet my husband and see my kid, but he also brought he newest motorcycle. What a thrill. (yeeee haw!) The Moral: Teach your kids sound judgment.

I used to chat online quite a bit and the natural progression of things can go something like this: join a forum, have open discussions, someone im's you, have private discussions, exchange numbers, exchange pix, meet. Thankfully this experience didn't get to the meeting part. I talked to this guy online and we started talking on the phone. Honestly, he was a head case and most times it was me him and his cousin (who had more sense) having a three-way. One day I called and some lady answered and he had the quick "she's-my-sister" response. Fine. We kept talking. I sent him a pic in the mail - just a regular picture, nothing fancy, nothing kinky, I had all my clothes on. One day I get a call from his 'sister'. She tells me she's his wife and she wants to know how old I am and have I sent him a picture, was I naked, they're going through issues and are broke and I should stop accepting his phone calls and he has to go through therapy(!). Fine again. I was more than happy to jump out of that situation. Not long after she calls again, this time leaving a message, which my mother got to before me. She calls again and gets me. She proceeds to tell me off again for her $200 phone bill. I told her I had stopped talking to him and that those calls were obviously before we spoke the last time. I was so nervous. I didn't want this crazy woman or her crazy husband coming after me for nothing. My mother caught on about then and took the phone from me. They had a nice little chat and luckily that was the last time she called. The Moral: Don't be naive.

I'm Freeee :(

Similar to BruthaFree, I'm free this weekend. But while he is child-less, I am husband-less. I would love to say I have the whole house to myself, but I'm here with three children (a 14 year old, a 10 year old, and a 2 year old). It's been a long week but I'm finally at the end of it. I think I've only had one full night's sleep since Monday. Sid's been sick with the flu and waking up in the middle of the night/morning with raging fevers.

Views of My Life

Without the rose-tinted glasses, this is a real-world view of my life:
* married to a man who is a big playful teddybear of a guy
* two step-kids
* one biological son (Sidney)
* a two-story, three bedroom, two bathroom house
* wake up at 5:45 am
* go to bed around midnight
* great inlaws
* a "different" kind of mother and absent father
* software engineer

Put them glasses back on:
* married to a man who is a big playful teddy bear of a guy
* two step-kids
* three biological kids
* a two-story, six bedroom, four bathroom house on five acres of land with a vacation house in Germany, a penthouse in NY
* wake up at 9 am
* go to bed by 11 pm
* great inlaws
* a mother with a loving husband
* a talent agent for my kids, a voice-over artist, and a philanthropist

Memorable Moments

I have been blessed to have so many beautiful people come in and out of my life. When I hear horror stories about others' experiences I can't help but be grateful for my own past experiences. That's not to say I haven't been hurt, but that's another post. Right now I just want to let you in on some of my more memorable people and experiences. (Sorry if you're not on this list. It doesn't mean you shouldn't be.)

Craig - my best friend during my freshman year at college
We went at the grocery store one day to look for a gift for a mutual friend. I happened to spot the cutest, softest bear. It was dressed like a painter and even had the little french hat. I showed it to him, not for him to buy it for our friend, but just to show it to him for the sake of it. We eventually left the store and that was that. One evening following he picked me up in his mom's Volvo, probably to go to choir practice. I got in and buckled up and something caught my eye. I turned around and did a double-take - it was the same bear I had shown him the other night! And the poor little bear was even strapped in! I was so excited. I still have that bear. Craig was such a sweetheart. He was instrumental in my learning to drive too, how could I forget (he taught me how to drive an automatic; my mother taught me how to drive a manual).

G - my best friend for the rest of my college years
I learned so much from him. I was so naive in college and he could easily have taken advantage of me, but he looked out for me in so many ways. My mother really liked him too. I remember the car accident we were in the day after his grandmother's funeral in Jamaica. Some lady driving a car without insurance t-boned us as we were making a right turn. It was totally her fault and she knew it. I was in the front passenger seat, G's cousin was driving, and G was in the back. Not wearing a seatbelt he was thrown from one side of the car to the other; unconscious. Needless to say, we spent the rest of the evening at the hospital. His cousin ended up with a neck brace while I got away unscathed. Not the best memory, but memorable nonetheless.

Jose - a really good friend all along
We took a 10-day roadtrip in my champagne-colored 1995 BMW 740i (oh, how I loved that car, but I digress). The road showed us some interesting sites. Memphis, Tennessee, to Toronto, Canada, to Niagra Falls, to NYC, then back home to South Florida. We saw kids doing flips in the road, we drove past a field on fire, not to mention we ran into some mean-looking Georgia Troopers outside the state penitentiary. That was the best roadtrip I ever went on, bar none. We found out that we are uncannily alike and we can talk about absolutely anything without reservation or fear of judgement. We toyed with the idea of becoming a couple, but finally decided against it. We are way too much alike.

K - my love and baby daddy
We were laying around one evening and he says to me, "So, when are we gonna get married?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Next month" (meaning April). He thought the time was too short and I agreed so we decided on June instead. This June 24 will be four blissful, not-without-trials, years.

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Notice no women? Yeah, me too. There were some, but I'll save them for another post.

The Nerd In Me Coming Out

It's not a full moon, is it? I read this link about the 42nd prime number and I found it so interesting! 7 million digits is a whole lot of digits.

Self-esteem

I'm jumping on the bandwagon and talking about self-esteem today. I took a self-esteem test recently just for the fun of it. I think it was A who sent it to me. I thought I had pretty good self-esteem up to this point. Apparently not, according to my failed test scores. Or maybe it's a ploy to get me spend money to boost my self-image?

I've read quite a few posts lately where the theme was self-esteem. What is it with our preoccupation with this topic? Even more importantly, why do so many of us doubt ourselves, our abilities, our worth? How can we live in this capitalistic, materialistic, self-centered society and still lead happy, complete lives? Is it possible?

Today and Yesterday and The Day Before That and...

So many things in my head, but as usual, I can't seem to pick a topic for my post (sigh).

I heard a clip of a song that goes, "Lollipop, lollipop, oh, lolly, lolly, lolly, lollipop (pop) bu doom boom boom..." I remember that song from high school days. There was a really nice girl I knew who used to sing that song aallll the time. And she liked lollipops too. She died at the end of senior year. RIP J.

Writer's block, I suppose. I'm not brave enough to put all my business out there just yet.

Bad drivers - my pet peeve. I admit, I'm not the best driver in the world, but at least I try to be considerate.

I love Sidney.

Oh, now I can't even remember what was going on in my head. I'm gettin old.

Diggs was talking about worst dates. I had to think awhile, but I've had a couple. I met a guy on the internet (yeah, I know, but I did). We chatted online and seemed to get along - lots of coincidences too. I knew they weren't him trying to kiss up because he would just tell me something random and out would jump a kwinkydink. Anyway, we talked on the phone a few times and I finally agreed to go out to lunch with him. He picked me up at my job. That in itself could have been a disastrous decision, but he didn't turn out to be a stalker. So, he picks me up and I look at him and think, "He looks older than he said he was." I started to doubt my judge of age, but could I really have been that far off? Turns out he was about 20 yrs older than me (gasp), white hair and everything. He had told me that he didn't smoke, but he did...yet another lie. Of course, we ended up having less in common than I thought. He asked me if since we weren't going to hook up in a relationship if we could just have a no-strings-attached meeting of the bodies. Needless to say, my answer was a resounding 'no' and I never saw him again.

Just Read

Just finished reading David Copperfield. Not a bad read. Before that it was Great Expectations. I liked that one. I happen to have Tom Sawyer so I guess that will be next.

Yesterday was a much needed holiday. I know, I just came back from Jamaica, but that wasn't a vacation. Now I have a 4-day workweek to look forward to. I like that.

This messed up hand business really gets on my nerves sometimes. I vascillate between being mildy concerned to really down about it. I keep trying to do what I used to be able to do, and I of course keep finding that I can't. Typing freely is one thing I really miss. The other day I poked my eye out. I don't remember what I was trying to do, but my pinky finger ended up in my eye. A bit later I went to the bathroom and while washing my hands I looked in the mirror and my eye was bleeding (just a bit, but still)! I'd never had that happen before (the poking or the bleeding). Quite disconcerting esp. since I couldn't remember what I did to cause the damage.

Sid's school had a banquet this past Sunday. I was one of their little helpers - putting out peanuts, taking tickets, taking pictures, serving, cleaning up. I hadn't planned to stay the entire time, but I was enjoying helping. Sid was sitting with my mother most of the time and he was enjoying himself too, so we stayed.

Back to Work and then some

Valentine's came and went. No big deal. We went out for Italian, the three of us, me, K, and Sid. We were in and out of the restaurant in an hour. Not bad for no reservations on Valentine's Day. No flowers, which was fine. Flowers are beautiful, but they die, and I don't have any shade of green thumb.

I finally had to go back to work. I wasn't ready for it. I liked living the life of a child - not a care in the world except what I want to eat for dinner. I don't feel very productive either. I'm working but it feels like I'm moving in slow motion.

My trip was nice but coming back was horrible. Not just because I didn't want to come back to my life, but because I was sick. Monday night I woke up with a slightly queasy stomach, but I ignored it and went back to sleep figuring it wasn't anything. Tuesday morning we had breakfast and headed out. By 3 pm some chills came over me. I thought it was the orange juice I was drinking but I realized soon after that it wasn't. Within half an hour I was freezing and shaking and coughing. I brought a cough with me to Jamaica but this new cough was different. We got to the airport by 4:30 pm and all I could do was look for a seat. I felt like I didn't want to move. I had a terrible fever, I just knew. I felt so nauseous. We found out our flight was delayed an hour. Oh, was I excited about that! I wanted so badly to get home to my bed. On the way to the security area I made a pit stop in the bathroom. I couldn't take the feeling anymore. I picked the first open stall and went in and so did my finger...right down my throat it went. What came out I'll leave to the imagination. (My angel of a mother-in-law escorted me and waited understandingly for me to finish.) Afterwards I felt amazingly better...for a short period of time at least. K bought me some mint tea but I couldn't manage to drink more than half. Everyone else was starved so they feasted while I manned the luggage doing all I could to stay awake.
If that was all there was to the story I'd be so glad, but there's more. I got a chance to take a nap when my husband came over. I curled up as best I could on a little bitty airport lounge chair, resting my head on my husband's lap. When we heard the boarding announcement there was relief in the air and we all trudged in line. Me, in the meantime, realized that my left hand couldn't open all the way. I thought it would tingle and get back to normal, but it never did. It's been in this semi-paralysis ever since. It doesn't seem like it's getting better either, but the dr says it'll take a while (how long is a while?). The dr also had the pleasure of informing me that I had bronchitis and he put me on 7 days of antibiotics.

I was in bed til Sunday. Besides feeling crappy for the first three days, it was heaven being home and not doing anything. If I was well I would've felt obligated to do housework. Being sick I didn't feel any guilt laying in bed all day sleeping. (I wasn't up to watching tv or being on the computer, as much as I thought I wanted to.) We watched a bunch of movies (I, Robot, Hero, Bourne Supremacy, Collateral, some Wesley Snipes movie, and Manchurian Candidate).
Enough rambling for now.

2 sick

i wish i could write a post about my trip to Jamaica but I really can't right now. I went to the dr yesterday and was diagnosed with bronchitis and neuritis of the left hand/arm. the neuritis means I've lost partial control of my hand. i can close it, i just can't open it or lift my fingers to type. i don't know how long this will last. just typing this i'm breaking into a sweat. it's pretty strenuous. hopefully i'll be back to myself w/i the month. pray for me.

Getting Ready...

It's always hectic when an unexpected trip comes up. I'm leaving tomorrow for Jamaica for my husband's grandmother's funeral. I have so much I want to get done before I go and here I am writing in my blog. A lot of sense that makes.

Went to the eye doctor's yesterday evening. Apparently my eyes haven't gotten any worse. They're still 20/20+. Just another one of those blessings. Kinda like my good teeth that every dentist and their assistants keep raving about.

Oh, gotta run before my husband catches me 'wasting' my time...

Dinner and Dancing

I'm going to write about work. I know, I shouldn't, but I will. I won't get dooced for what I'm about to write...

Maybe you've heard me before talking about how much I love working where I am. It's not as good as it's been in previous years, but compared to what I hear about what it's really like out there, I can't complain. The benefits are pretty good, the work can leave something to be desired, but the people are really, really cool to work with. Last week we went out and the time we had together reinforced that last point.

Last Thursday some out-of-towners for the company came in town so we went out for dinner. Spouses were not invited but who am I to turn down a free dinner just because my babies are at home hungry? :) Anyway, we also took advantage of the opportunity to say goodbye to one of our peers who is doing the honorable thing by deciding to be at stay-at-home mom. (Might I add, I'm really glad for her that she can do this. I am in no way jealous that I have to have to come to work every day for at least eight hours while other women raise my son.) In total, 13 of us showed up to dinner. The restaurant was Eduardo de San Angel. Now, we've been to some great places for dinner. Usually when visiting employings come in town we try to find a top-rated restaurant to entertain them. I tell you, last Thursday was not different. I was a bit skeptical at first because the restaurant decription says gourmet Mexican. I like Mexican, but what is gourmet Mexican? I tried my best to go with an open mind. Another co-worker of mine picked me up and off we went in our Sunday second-best. (Oh, I looked cute, you can ask him. My husband even looked at me twice. One thing that added to that was my hair which has been getter since I started using the cholesterol conditioner and Proclaim daily hair and scalp conditioner.) On the way to Eduardo's we reminisced about the last time we went out on a work function. The place was Cafe Martorano's. Spouses were invited that time so it was even better. The food was amazing (Italian) and the atmosphere was so live. The music, the people... Anyway, back to Eduardo's. From the outside you'd never know the secrets of this place. We went in and seemed like every other nice restaurant - dim lights, nice decor. We were lead to a semi-private room in the back where nine others were already seated. One of us hadn't rsvp'd so they had to make room at the table. That was alright, half the table moved down so we could sit. Of course, wine was ordered (by the end of the night they went through three bottles). We listened to the waiter (from Quebec) tell us about the specials. I got this chicken soup thing which was terrific. I couldn't get over the perfect balance of flavors. Others who had the soup were in agreement. For dinner I ordered chicken julienne in some kind of sauce atop a taco-like thing with pureed black beans underneath. It was soo good. Most others ordered the house special which was a petite filet mignon with goat cheese (supposedly you couldn't taste that). By the end of dinner everyone was raving about the food. Then, of course, came desert. Everywhere I go, I have to try the creme brulee. This one had mango in it. It was so awesome. Someone else ordered the cinnamon ice cream and he let us all taste it. It tasted exactly like Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal except it was ice cream. Soo good. During dinner there were a few lags in conversation but nothing uncomfortable. Unlike Cafe Martorano's, there was no loud music to hype us up, but it made it much easier to converse. So many conversations were going on. It was fun jumping in and out. The waiter was so attentive (as I would expect considering the tip he knew he was gonna get) and knowledgeable about the menu.

It's difficult to express how good this place was - the food and the people and the ambiance all combined to make a great dining experience. Yes, it was expensive for my pockets, but I'd go there again anyway. It was just that good. So, my co-worker date and I have a new favorite. If you visit Fort Lauderdale, this would not be a waste of your time.

No, there was no dancing...but there could've been.

Jan. 22-25

Saturday night we found out that my husband's grandmother passed away in Jamaica. I never got to meet her and she didn't get to see her latest great-grandson. We've been talking about visiting Jamaica for years but just haven't made it down there. There's always something that comes up. Next week we're flying down. It's a shame how a sacrifice can be made after the fact when it would have been much better appreciated by us had we made it before. I don't want that to happen again.

Sunday - nothing to report.

Monday - my friend had her baby (yay)!

Yesterday was my mom's birthday. (I'm older now than she was when she had me; but I digress.) I can't afford to have a 'party' for her so she brought her own party. She went to the grocery store and bought a fruit bread pudding cake thing and some pineapple coconut Haagen Dazs ice cream, which, by the way, is my new favorite flavor for that brand of ice cream and that's why she bought it. Then she came over to my house to 'celebrate'.

Speaking of parties, I really wanted to have one for Sid's 2-yr birthday. I couldn't afford it before, but I really can't afford it now. I have to work something out...

Grays

It always surprises me when I find gray hairs in between all the luscious black (ok, dark brown). There used to be just one or two that I kept plucking. They've been showing up for years. But, this past year the number of grays have shot up. It seems that every time I part my hair I find at least one. And they're generally about an inch long. Where are they coming from? Could Sidney be the cause of my premature aging?? Surely not! But I AM aging prematurely; I am.

It's All About Him...Part I

...Well, not really, but almost.

Here are some facts behind my love for my love:

• We have the same spiritual goals
• He is a good father and disciplinarian
• He is trustworthy and loyal
• We can talk for hours about everything and nothing
• He is intelligent
• He is ambitious
• He loves me too
  

His Day

So to finish telling you about the birthday...
I left work early to go home and be with my man. Even from the beginning though I knew we wouldn't get to have fun but that we would end up working. That's exactly what happened. We had (and still have) work to do on our startup businesses. It's tedious but somebodies have to do it. Fortunately for us his mother offered to cook him (us) dinner since we really can't afford the luxury of eating out right now. But, I tell you, the food could not have been better if we had eaten out. There was ox tail, curry chicken, fish, rice and peas, vegetables, and ginger beer to top it off. The food was really good. That meant not only did we not have to go out, but I didn't have to cook. I did do the dishes but it was the least I could have done.

You may be wondering what I did for my husband. Heard of delayed gratification? That's what he's going through right now because what I would love to be able to do for him I can't. The only thing he wants to do is start making money so our family can at least go back to the lifestyle we became accustomed to before he was laid of...almost a year ago.

At Sandy's site she did a tribute to her man. Not to be outdone, I too will let you know some of the things that make this guy so special to me...in the next post. ;)

No More

Ok, I won't complain about my aches and pains anymore. I won't mention that I banged my knee against Sidney's crib so hard I was rolling around holding my leg. Should I not mention also how I somehow pulled a thigh muscle pulling Sidney out of the car (long story).

Today is my baby's birthday - not Sidney's but his daddy's. More on that tomorrow. Someone's trying to get my attention over here...

Skateboard

Remember said skateboard I mentioned in my previous post? The one that was bought for the 14 yr old boy? Yeah, that one. When my husband and I were picking it out at Walmart the pickings were very slim. There was the cheap (sorry, I mean inexspensive) one that didn't have a logo or even a plastic cover. I was all for buying that one but my husband looked at the wheels and said the board wasn't good enough. Fine. The highest end board they had was almost $40! It was supposedly a racing skateboard with some famous guy's theme all over it. Of course, that wasn't going to be the one either. That left the $20 boards. (Why I'm spending so much time on this you'll find out later.) The themes were Sponge Bob, Star Wars, and The Hulk. I told my husband we should get the Star Wars one because it was unisex so I could ride it too. He said he preferred The Hulk since it was more 'manly'. Ok, whatever. So, we got The Hulk.

The same night I raced the boy we gave him the skateboard. The ingrate (my husband's word) acted like we were crazy to buy it and basically he wouldn't ride it. It wasn't said as harshly as it reads, that's just my summary. Anyway, the boy found himself standing on it later on in the evening. Sidney on the other hand kept pushing it around the kitchen and living room, banging it into walls, leaving dents, etc. My husband had enough of the denting so he put the board in the garage.

Fastforward to today. It's 2 o'clock in the afternoon, the sun is out, and I decide I want to try my hand at this skateboarding thing. This was my first time ever really trying to ride one. Sidney followed me out the door and away we went. You know he wanted a turn. I obliged him and we would take turns. I put him on and then pushed him to the other side of the cul-de-sac. Then I told him it was my turn and I would get on. We went on like this for at least half an hour (in the hot sun with no hats on, mind you). I went from not even being able to get both feet off the ground to being able to push off and keep both feet on the board for five seconds. Not bad. When I got back into the house I was beat. I proceeded to sleep for an hour (then I had a church board meeting). Poor Sidney played around and when he found he couldn't wake me up he fell asleep next to me. That was sweet.

The moral of the story is, go with your first instinct and don't let anyone, esp. your significant other, dissuade you otherwise. I KNEW I should have gotten the Star Wars skateboard! :p

I'm not 15 anymore

I'm feeling quite a bit better today than I was yesterday and the day before. See, I caught myself racing against my 14 yr old stepson. I had just finished telling him that it was us, his parents, who had got him the skateboard, and then he started begging me to race him. This has been an ongoing thing - since he was 10 he's been wanting to race me. It's not as if I'm a fast runner or anything, it's just something he's been wanting to do.

So, there we were about 6 / 6:30 in the evening. It was already dark out. And, yes, like a crazy fool, I agreed to race him if he could convince his father to come out the house and be a witness and to watch Sidney. I only half expected my man to come out of the house so I figured I had a 50-50 chance of getting out of this thing. But alas, he waltzed out and me and the boy walked down the street, I'd say about a quarter mile (probably less, but you know, gota make the story sound good). By then I was nervous, I don't know why. When my husband yelled 'Go' I felt my foot slip on the gravel and I screamed. I know, it sounds like an excuse, esp when I tell you that the boy (of course) got the lead of about 10 feet. The good thing I gotta say is that after that initial lead he never left me. I was right behind him all the way.

Yes, he won. I did good though. A 30 yr old woman racing a 14 yr old?! I must have been crazy. What was I thinking? Did I forget the after effects of working muscles that haven't been used in a while?

That evening I was nauseous, supposedly from all the blood rushing from my head. My husband trainer told him when that happens just to keep moving so the blood keeps getting pumped throughout the body. Anyway, the next day I swear I could barely walk up (or down) the stairs. My legs felt so heavy. The day after that the muscle aches started - my back, my thighs, my hamstrings. It was too funny.

Have I hit my midlife crisis already?

?Climactic?

Is it sad to say I've been checking my daily list of blogs everyday during the holidays looking for new posts? I didn't have much to say myself so why would I assume anyone else would? Needless to say, I was overjoyed (ok, I was joyed) when bloggers got back to work updating the windows to their lives.

Btw, I found nappy diatribe (via purfiktgurl, of course) to be a fun read. Normally I would pass over blogs that frequently use the f-word unless there was something interesting being said in between. This is the first blog I found that fits that description.

The Second Day of the New Year

I must say, this new year has gotten off to a pretty good start. Friday evening I spent at church with my immediate, extended, and extended-extended family. We listened as people gave thanks for the blessings of the past year and as the sun set we welcomed in the new year (as the Bible says the evening and the morning were the first day).

I didn't have any intentions of staying up til midnight but it just so happened that I did. The kids were asleep and my husband was in front of the computer. Then came the fireworks and our oldest son come in to tell us happy new year, to which we responded in kind and he went back to bed. I tried to wake up Sidney to see some fireworks but he did not care one bit.

Sabbath we spent at church singing praises. I was supposed to sing with the choir but by the time I finished my usual running around the choir was ready to walk up and I didn't even have my robe on. So, I ran the video camera. For lunch we went to my husband's aunt's house (again). In the afternoon, Pastor had planned to appreciate the elders. Of course, that meant that each department head was to appreciate their supervisory elders. The first department called was Sabbath School - The head super is out of town for a couple of weeks. I didn't see any other supers make a move to get up so, as the head secretary, yours truly had to take the mic and improvise. I'm glad I didn't have time to think or I would have worked myself up with nervousness. Not even ten minutes after I came down Pastor called me up again for the Communication department. That one was easy. I love that department and I really like the people I work with (and that's what I told the congregation). I especially thanked our elders for the patience and encoureagement and support. This program caught me unawares so I didn't have any tokens to give them. We'll have to do something for them (and for us) later on. There's only six months left in the church year.

Anyway, Happy New Year! Hope you (and I) realize our dreams!

Decorating

We've been living here in our 'new' house since June 2003 and we're still working on the decorating. We had a painting party once and we got through painting the living room and some of the kitchen. Now I want to change the colors. Right now some walls are half yellowish cream and others are sort of a light brick red. My husband is leaning towards a tan or brownish color. It doesn't matter to me anymore I just want it changed. We have some oversized couches that are a dark red and there's a rug under the coffee table (we don't drink coffee) that has gold, dark red, dark green, and brown in it. The tiles are stone-like and have faded pink / grey / blue colors in it. A girlfriend of mine does interior design as a hobby and her place looks great, but we can't afford to hire her just yet. Another girlfriend of mine (read: purfiktgurl) should be helping but she lives too far. This is our brokest christmas season ever so whatever I do to spice up the place has to be cheap (okay, inexspensive). At the home show a couple months ago I bought six little bamboo shoot trees and put them in the kitchen above the cabinets. In between them I put one piece of something (a decorative kettle, a wire candle-holder in the form of a girl holding two candles, and some others things I can't remember). I have two pictures that a friend of mine in Jamaica bought for me that I want to put so I bought some picture hanging nails. But, I can't put up the pictures til we decide what we want to do with the walls in the kitchen. We've been looking for a wallpaper border to put around the top but haven't seen any we like. We may have to settle for painting all the way to the ceiling but who's willing to go up there?

I feel restless like I'm not getting anything done. Our businesses feel like they're extremely slow to start, I'm moving like a snail at work, and I'm dissatisfied with my home surroundings.

We keep dumping money into our businesses and we haven't seen dime one of a return yet - the properties in Jacksonville are still sucking us dry even though one of them has tenants, we bought two cars from an auction neither of which are completely fixed and can't be sold anyway until my husband gets his car dealership license, our online stores are not online yet (nowhere near it).

Hardly anyone is at work so it's pretty quiet. I have work to do but no unction to get it done. I know next week the burners will be on high because we have a deadline to meet and that should be motivation enough...but it's not.

I already complained about my house. Everytime I clean one area and move on to the next, the first one is messed up again. How aggravating.

I know it sounds like I'm dumping, but I'm not really because there's so much more good in my life than not.

...continued

When I first saw the report of the tsunami, the death toll was 7000. Now it is 52000 and still expected to rise. I can almost feel the pain of the parents who lost children. I hear and read the stories and I don't know how to deal with it. Had I been through that experience I would be crazy by now. How difficult it must be for them cannot even be expressed in words. The pictures tell it all. My prayers go out to the survivors.

This was a bad year

"An earthquake of epic power struck deep beneath the Indian Ocean on Sunday, unleashing 20-foot walls of water that came crashing down on beaches in seven Asian countries across thousands of miles, smashing seaside resorts and villages and leaving nearly 10,000 dead in their wake." (Article)

Just a few months ago hurricanes barreled across the Caribbean. Terrorist attacks, war in the middle east, genocide in Sudan, deadly typhoon ravages Japan, massacres (i.e. in Honduras last week), killing sprees....

God said it would be chaotic before he returned. How much worse will it get and will we be ready?

December 25th

Seasons Greetings!
Happy Holidays!
Happy Hanukah!
Merry Christmas!
Happy Kwanzaa!

As we remember Christ born in a manger, let us even more ponder His death and resurrection. He didn't die to be remembered as a babe, but He was born to die to redeem us to Himself. As we give and recieve, think on the ultimate gift of life and the Giver. How can we give to Him daily?

'meme'

Inspired by purfiktgurl.
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
* Shelly, Shell, Baby (only K calls me that though)

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
* queensr, qscrose, shellyp

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
* I believe in God; I love; I look cute sometimes

THREE THINGS YOU HATE/DISLIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
* I'm indecisive; I can't keep a clean enough house; I lack creativity (unlike purfiktgurl)

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
* east indian (as in India); 'eurasian'; caribbean black (Grenada & Jamaica)

HREE TWO THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
* dying and leaving my family; that God will come and not accept me

THREE FIVE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
* wear clean underwear; cell phone; license; credit card, car keys

THREE TWO THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
* faded baby blue work short worn as a pajama top; grey sweats worn as pajama bottoms

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS (or artists(at the moment)):
* Sean Paul, Beyonce, Alicia Keys

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
* "My, Myself, and I" is the only one I can remember

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS
* have a second child (I've never had a second child before); visit Japan, running a successful home-based business

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
* mutual service to God; fun; encouragement

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE
* I love my husband, my son, chocolate and strawberries; B should not have been re-elected; racism does not exist

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (or same) THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
* eyes; muscles (like my husbands); height

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN’T DO:
* the splits; be perfect; not love my son and/or my husband

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
* hanging with my son and husband; reading; figuring out what needs to be done next

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
* n/a; n/a; n/a

THREE CAREERS YOU’RE CONSIDERING:
* stay-at-home mom; modeling agent; world traveler

THREE FOUR PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
* Hawaii; Australia; Venice

THREE KID’S NAMES
* Sidney (of course); Shai (maybe); can't think of a third

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
* anything my kid(s) would be proud of; live without (anymore) regrets; please God

VitaMix etc.

Remember the VitaMix machine we bought? We have (read 'K' has) been using it. He's been experimenting. It's only been about a week and he's getting better. He made carrot soup a couple of times. He first try at ice cream didn't go so well. The fruit smoothies are alright. My favorite is the carrot soup.

My sister was down for the weekend. She's broke as usual. This time I'm broke too so I can't even help her. She still made out like a bandit though - our mother gave her her old computer, bought a new printer, and gave her her old digital camera, plus some food from her pantry. Her dad, well, we don't need to discuss him here because it wouldn't be pretty.

Not much going on at work. We're winding down for the holidays. I want to carry over what little vacation I have left so I'll be working just about every day except the federal holidays. Not cool. I can't wait til our businesses start to pick up and I can take a vacation anytime I want, with or without pay.

I've been wasting time thinking about how much time is spent wasting time thinking. It seems like it's a lot. I want to be the kind of person who makes decisions, not just one who analyzes every minute detail and then misses the window. I was reading lousywithvirginity and in one of her posts the author wrote, "paralysis by analysis is the opposite of being productive." I agree.

Mortality

What is man that God should be mindful of him? As I hear of people dying I am forced to consider my own mortality and whether or not I am ready to leave this world. If heaven is perfect why are we afraid to leave earth now? Do we really believe in God and eternity with Him? I so want to believe and be saved when He returns, and I want my loved ones to be saved also. But there's this selfish part of me that wants to watch my son grow up and have a family of his own; a side that wants to grow old with my husband; a side that wants to accomplish much in this life. But all of this is to what end? This imperfect world should hold nothing for the believer.

I must be stressed lately. All my symptoms point to it. I don't feel stressed. But when I try to sleep and it feels like my heart is fibrillating I wonder if it really is stress or something out of my control. And then I stress myself out considering the possibilities. Hence my mind wanders to my mortality. And it becomes a vicious cycle of stress-symptoms-more stress-more symptoms....

I thank God every morning that I wake up.

Pregnancy

No, I'm not pregnant. God-willing I will be this year though. I would love to have three or four children of my own, but I know it's not feasible right now. By the time we might be able to afford them I'll probably be way too old anyway. Between my husband and myself we already have three children, and it's not a financial breeze to take care of them. But I'm still trying for at least one more.

A girlfriend of mine is pregnant and she looks really good - better than I did. :) From the back you would never even know she was expecting. I took her to a photographer last night to have pictures taken of her in her glory. She only has four more weeks to go (I doubt she'll make two) so she's ready to pop. The photographer was really good. He has such an artistic eye - he made her look like a model. These pictures are my gift to her. Yes, I already bought diapers and a mobile for the baby. But these pictures are for her. She brought about three outfits and I we took pictures for almost two hours (144 pix)! I enjoyed it, I hope she did. I know the photographer did - he was having such a good time. I can't wait to see the final product.

What's Going On

Life's been pretty busy. Ok, that's the norm for me, but really.

* I want to get Sidney into modeling
* We're 'managing' three properties in Jacksonville
* K wants to buy / sell cars and parts (incl. engines)
* We're trying the online mall thing

For each of these we'll eventually be setting up a business. Sidney's modeling is the only exception. It depends on how it goes and if I like it enough to start up my own agency. I've been seriously been considering it. I would specialize in boys from birth to age 17. I don't want to deal with the girls - as a Christian I foresee too many conflicts. But, who knows.

As for the properties, I can't wait to get rid of them. Evicting tenants is not fun in the least. I'll stick with buying land.

Speaking of cars, we're planning to go to Japan in a few months...more on that later.

The online mall, well, we have some storefronts to populate. We do have some ideas for products (pillows, candles, jerked meat and seasoning, car accessories, airplanes). K has a contact who sells airplanes in case anyone's interested.

Aggravation via Good Intentions

This morning I woke up late. I'll admit, I was up til 2 am watching the movie, "The Librarian," but still. I set my alarm for about 7 am and of course I didn't actually turn it on. My loving husband didn't wake me either. He was up for an hour and he didn't wake me up - til 10 am! He has this thing about waking me up - he doesn't like to do it. He figures if I'm sleeping I'm tired so he lets me sleep. If I fall asleep earlier than normal in the evening he won't even wake me to brush my teeth or pray or anything. Me, on the other hand, I wake his behind up. And I always tell him to wake me. As a matter of fact I told him last night that I have two meetings at work today. He didn't remember. And I wouldn't expect him to, but if he would just wake me UP; that's all I ask.

The only good thing that came of the day is that I spent more money. Woo-hoo! Went to doctor (me and jr). That comes with a price tag of $20 for the co-pays, then signed up to have my company incorporated in Nevada. That price is more than I'm willing to admit in writing yet. Especially considering all of the other money I (we) have put out in the past three months.

I was looking through the mailers we got today and I had to save the Movado insert to show my husband. Too many pretty watches. Too much money.

Madama Butterfly

Finally ready for bed. Went to see my first opera tonight. Some co-workers decided they wanted to go and I figured what better opportunity. So, of course, I dragged along my husband. It's been a long, hectic day. Got up at 5:45 (am!), got to work by 7:00, got home about 5:30, rushed around and almost got locked out of the first scene of the show. It started at 8:00. We got there at 7:20 but we were so hungry we had to go find something to eat. We rushed the poor waitress, scarfed down our food and practically ran back to the center, up to the balcony via the elevator and into the darkening auditorium. We really just made it. Glad we went though. It would have been better if we had time to socialize beforehand, but the show itself was quite good. I've been to muscials before and this was similar. The difficult part was trying to read the english translation on the screen above performers and trying to watch the performers at the same time. Anyway, I'm off to bed now. G'night.

Today

One of our founding members will be leaving us in a few weeks. What a surprise! Well, we knew it was coming sooner or later, we just hoped it was later than sooner. She's been with the company for 17 years! She's all we know and now she's leaving. I'm sad - for us, and kinda sad for her too. We'll have to start over with someone new and she'll have to start over getting to know other people and learning their company culture / politics. At least here she knew the evils she had to deal with. We've had lots of changes this year and many more are coming. "With change comes opportunity."